


find me on the way, find me anyway

by seabear



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alpha/Omega, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dirty Talk, Fingering, Knotting, Light BDSM, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Masturbation, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mentions of off-screen abuse, Multiple Orgasms, Oral Sex, Outdoor Sex, Rimming, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-04-30 22:11:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5181542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seabear/pseuds/seabear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This wasn't supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to be going into heat, he wasn't supposed to be using a mating agency to help him find an Alpha, and he was never supposed to see Erwin Smith again.</p><p>In Levi's life, things have rarely gone the way they were supposed to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Summers had always been simpler. That heat. The heat was what made it easier to stay out all hours of the night, sleeping on park benches and waking with the sun. Those were the mornings Levi could feel warm to the bone, the mornings he could breathe, listening to the hum of cicadas, to the birds on telephone wires and tree branches. It was easy not to feel alone in the heat. The winters were always harder. During the winters, it was impossible to hide.

Not that Levi didn’t try.

 

Janice’s red nails gleamed at him as she brandished a pile of folders, stacking them together on her desk. “You’re in quite the bind here.”

Levi slumped further down in his chair, arms crossed, pointedly not saying a goddamn word.

“Luckily, I’ve got some great last minute candidates! It wasn’t easy,” she went on. “But these three more than meet your rather...long list of requirements.”

He narrowed his eyes. _That’s some accusatory tone you’ve got there, Janice._ Like she thought this was what Levi wanted--to be at a _mating agency_ with only a week to find a “suitable companion.” Like his long list of requirements didn’t essentially consist of: clean and not a serial killer. Like he wanted to be here at all, in this tacky office reeking of Lean Cuisine lunches and the strong undercurrent of desperation. 

Like he wanted to be here with Janice, who had a blinding go-getter attitude that was slowly but surely crumbling in the face of Levi’s “situation” (she was careful not to use words like “problem” or “dilemma,” because to her there was no such thing as a problem. Her stupidity was almost enviable). Janice, who was a week deep into taking Levi on as a client, and even though she was still sporting a perfect manicure and sleek updo to compliment her sunny disposition, he could see plainly that his shit was getting to her. He’d find it satisfying if any feeling could overpower the pit of dread sitting inside his chest.

Dreading not finding someone. Dreading finding someone. Dread that’d only been building ever since he stepped foot into Janice’s office and she’d spewed at him, “We’ve found many of our clients their true mates through our services.”

That word. He hated the word. It was such a grossly antiquated term used to describe a physiological state between two bodies that coincidentally shared a strong desire to procreate. Before science was able to ascribe meanings to heat cycles and evolution, before modern medicine could pop out drugs and procedures to override the alpha/beta/omega scripts hardwired into their bodies. Before Levi and his bitter ass entered the genetic picture, ever so blessed to be born a male omega. An anomaly within an anomaly.

Now the word mate was just primarily adopted by corporations to sell shit. Shit like soda and life insurance plans and mating services. So he had neatly replied to her Disney princess smile, arms folded and tone flat, “I don’t want a mate. I just need someone to fuck me through my heat so I don’t claw my own eyeballs out.”

Janice had almost fallen out of her fucking chair.

And here they were.

He reached for the middle folder on the desk, open it, and immediately tossed it aside. 

He did the same with a the second. Janice visibly flinched.

And was about to do the same to the third and just condemn himself to a week in a Lock Box when something caught his eye between the pages.

“Special ops?”

“Oh, you mean Mr. Smith,” she looked like she was about to vibrate out of her skin with relief. “Yes, he’s a wonderful candidate. Ex-marines, from an excellent background, currently the owner of a very successful house flipping company--we’ve never gotten a single complaint from any of his companions.”

Levi flipped through the file. Marines meant he was probably very orderly. Very clean. Took care of himself and his home. Probably didn’t have dirt underneath their fingernails like some animal. His eyes narrowed as he reached the last page, then flickered up to tunnel into Janice. “There’s no picture.”

“Well, no. Mr. Smith is a very private man--which is ideal! Because you wanted someone discreet! Mr. Smith is as discreet as they come, and although I’ve never met him in person, I hear he’s very handsome.”

Janice leaned in and winked at him, like they were goddamn pals or something, swapping quiche recipes and scoping out hot guys at the local farmer’s market. He glared. 

_Suck a dick, Janice._

Looks weren’t a particular concern of Levi’s. When it came down to it his heat would overpower any kind of shallow squicks he might have, and it wouldn’t really matter if he was usually attracted to them or not. 

Still. Levi didn’t like not knowing. 

He looked over the file again, the long list of accolades and personal testimonies from past clients (they had a five-star rating system. How fucked up was that? Rating human beings like they’re hotels.) Phrases like _clean cut_ and _gentle_ and _hung like a horse_ jumped out at him from the page, until his gaze finally settled back on the name. Smith. 

Obviously a common last name. As common as it could get. And there was a chance Mr. Specials Ops was using a pseudonym, being so “discreet” and all. That’s what Levi would do, if he’d been given the choice when filling out his application.

“And,” Janice shook him from this thoughts with a sing-song voice and a curved lipstick smile, “I was speaking to him on the phone this morning, after I emailed him your file, and he was very interested.”

“Interested because he thinks I look prepubescent?”

She looked aptly horrified. “No--Mr. Ackerman, let me assure you we do extensive research on all of our Alphas, and Mr. Smith is not only upstanding in every sense of the word, but he specifically asks not to be paired with anyone younger than 30.”

He glared. “I’m 27.”

“We might’ve fudged it just a little, because of your limited time frame...we’ve spoken to Mr. Smith about this, and he’s fine with it if you are.”

“Must’ve taken some real elbow grease to get him to fuck a twenty-something, huh Janice?”

The poor woman looked as if she were about to pull her hair out. She inhaled, collecting herself as she laced those slim fingers, the glare of her manicure doing what her eyes couldn’t as she spoke in a level, almost too quiet voice. “I feel the need to stress that if you don’t choose any of the candidates we’ve selected for you, it’ll be extremely unlikely for us to find anyone else in the amount of time you’ve allotted us. Please consider your options carefully.”

Well. 

“Fine. Arrange it,” he tossed the file back on the table.

He was fairly sure there were actually tears in Janice’s eyes.

 

Mikasa stared. “Explain it to me again.”

Levi scrubbed a hand over his burning face. “No.”

He had the mildest concern that he might not come back from this weekend alive, which left him with the troubling task of picking one of the jackasses he associated with socially to tell everything to. In case something happened. 

He systematically went through the list of names in what he called his inner circle (“Jesus Christ, Levi, just call us your friends,” Erd always whined.) He didn’t understand why it had taken him so long to realize everyone he knew was an untrustworthy loudmouth, incapable of even the most basic level of confidence. Isabel’s name wasn’t even added to the list--her energy and volume would ensure that everyone in the greater metropolitan area would suddenly possess an uncomfortable amount of information concerning the fate of his ass.

Farlan was beyond a doubt the best choice, but his two week vacation to some island fell right on top of Levi’s heat week. And he was not about to explain anything about knotting, self-lubrication, or anything that even remotely implied having an erection, to the easily frazzled Petra of all people. And it wasn’t like Auruo or Gunther or Erd could keep a secret from her, or from anyone, to save their damn lives--

Which left only one option. 

“Explain it again, or find someone else,” she shrugged. Like it was such a hardship for him to treat her out for a nice lunch uptown in exchange for her taking a piece of paper with some phone numbers and names on it. 

He glared. “Didn’t they go over this shit in your health class?”

“I went to a conservative Christian prep school--so no, Sister Mary Catherine didn’t really go over the sexual mating cycles of human wolf hybrids.”

He wouldn’t even really put Mikasa in that aforementioned inner circle--for one, she was only 18, and even though they were family he’d only known he for about three years total. The only family he’d had any contact with growing up was Kenny, who left him in the custody of the state when he was 10.

Fast forward to his early 20s when a random property acquisition lawyer called Levi (incessantly) about settling some land up north meant to be divided amongst the last of the Ackermans after Kenny finally bit it, and apparently left some farm to next of kin in his will. Levi had assumed it was only him. Imagine his surprise when he walked up the dirt road to the farm and met the Jaegers and their adopted daughter. His cousin and last living relative.

Imagine his last living relative being the biggest pain in the ass. 

Levi pinched the bridge of his nose, inhaling deeply before sitting back in his chair, arms crossed. As much of a pain as she was, she was probably the most low key and trustworthy person he knew. Not saying much, but still. “Our family comes from a long line of hybrids. Your father was one, my mother was one. Kenny was one. Generations upon generations, etcetera--you pulled a genetic jackpot and got saddled with some nondescript beta genes. You’ve got enhanced senses and strength with none of the heat cycle bullshit that I have to deal with.”

She sipped from her glass. “Elaborate.”

“Alphas and omega go through bi-annual heat cycles from puberty onwards. If you want I can go into detail about self-lubrication and lunar ovulation charts.”

She winced. “I’m good, thanks.”

“You know I grew up in and out of foster care,” he kept his tone as level as possible. “As a ward of the state, I had to be given an injection of a heat suppressant called Alt when I was 10, and again at 17. It lasts around 7-10 years, depending, and once I was no longer a minor in the system, the injections became voluntary. And expensive.”

“And you forgot,” Mikasa amended, just to rub it in.

“And I forgot,” Levi echoed. He hadn’t been to an actual doctor since the visits he got wrangled into by social workers when he was still a kid. But now at 27, with his first real job outside of bussing tables, running “errands” for possible mobsters, and a slew of miscellaneous and possible illegal occupations, he had to sit with someone from HR for four thousand hours and fill out a shit ton of paperwork, one of which was a physical form for his health insurance.

His doctor, once she’d realized he was an omega, asked if he was on any kind of preventative plan, since she could estimate his heat was due to hit in just a few weeks.

It was like someone had doused his spine in freezing water.

“Even if I gave you Alt or a suppressive now,” Dr. Zoe had said, “it will not in any way stop your next heat.”

It took a lot for Levi to be made to feel vulnerable. Sitting there on that cold exam table in his underwear and shirt, gripping at the edge of the vinyl almost hard enough to tear it as Dr. Zoe droned endlessly about his options, Levi had felt...small. So incredibly small.

“I’ve never experienced a full heat before,” Levi stared down onto his tea cup, his opaque reflection wavering on the surface. “Now I don’t have a choice. I have to go through it, and I can either go through it completely alone in a Lock Box, or I can have someone assist me. An Alpha.”

Mikasa blinked slowly. “So you went to a sketchy escort service, and found some random ass guy who might murder you in a cabin out in the middle of the mountains, with no help around for miles.”

“Yes,” Levi answered simply. “So I’m leaving you his information, where I’m staying, numbers to reach me, when I’m coming home, and the name of the agency I used so you know who to prosecute.”

He slid the paper across the table--for the second time--everything on it typed neatly and clearly. She opened it in front of him and read aloud, “Heat of the Moment, Mating Matchmaker Specialists.”

His jaw ticked. “They were reputable.”

She crumpled up the note and jammed it into her back pocket. “Do I get your knife collection if you really do get murdered?”

“You’ll be the only one who wants it, so yes.”

“Sick.”

 

The night before he left, Levi didn’t sleep. Couldn’t.

Instead, he showered three times. It escaped him as to why exactly, but he wanted this mystery Alpha to acknowledge how clean he was. That’d be romantic, wouldn’t it? He almost sighed wistfully at the thought.

Instead he buried his face in his hands. Jesus Christ, who the hell _was he_ anymore?

With 3am approaching and no end to this sleeplessness in sight, Levi propped his laptop open on his coffee table. His fingers hovered over the keyboard, the way they did whenever the thought popped into his head--but the results were always the same. Millions of hits for “Officer Smith,” none of which seemed to be what he was looking for. Honestly, the whole “googling” thing still escaped him. He’d only recently gotten into the habit after buying his first computer ("You need to join this century," Isabel told him, walking backwards into Best Buy and heading straight to the PCs), and reading huge paragraphs of tiny text on a bright monitor made his head swim. 

He stared at the search bar, idly thinking he could try doing some more research on what exactly to expect from the upcoming week. Though Levi was pretty sure he’d scoured every single first heat advice forum Google had to offer--he’d forced himself to, hours on end of nausea inducing, eye burning research. He’d been surprised to how many people were out there with stories so similar to his own.

 _My parents gave me suppressives without telling me,_ one poster said, _and when i moved out and cut contact, a clinic doctor told me even if i took Alt that minute my heat would still come. i had no clue was he was talking about._

And, _i was so busy with school and my new job my cycle was the last thing on my mind lol. luckily i found a good alpha in time._

And, _i don’t have health insurance and no money to afford Alt, so my first heat i spent inside a lockbox at a omega shelter outisde of the city._

Lock Boxes had honestly been Levi’s first choice when this whole mess started. But every message board and advice forum he went on said the same thing: they were an absolute last resort. Rooms varied from place to place, but it was essentially a box with a bed where an omega would spend their heat.

 _i was in there for a week,_ one girl posted, _but it felt like months. you’re completely alone. clinic workers aren’t allowed to talk to you. and because youre in heat you feel that lonely 1000x more. i cant remember a moment in there i didn’t spend sobbing._

Levi didn’t do well in confined spaces. If he was honest, he didn’t do well alone either.

He sat back, and watched the time in the lower left hand corner turn 3am on the dot.

You could jerk off, his brain supplied. Then shower again.

He exhaled, eyes slipping shut as his hands dragged up his stomach, his chest, mind churning through the same slideshow of mundane overtly sexual images he used to try and conjure up some curl of arousal. They slipped down, palming himself over his sweats.

It was all bullshit, just a way to avoid what he really wanted to think about. What he knew would really set that burn low and deep inside of him. Heat prickled the back of his neck, his chest, spreading in a warm flush of _yes_ just as quickly as the guilt whispered after it. His finger slid under the waistband, wrapping around himself as his other hand pushed up his shirt.

He thought about someone watching him. Probing, unreadable eyes taking in every inch of him. Levi liked that idea--of someone not touching, just watching, maybe talking. Telling him things in a voice Levi wished he could forget, like how good he looked or maybe asking if it felt nice. 

Or things that were a touch more...intimate.

 _Are you gonna come?_ the shadow in his mind whispered. Haunted eyes. Haunted blue eyes that didn’t seem to ever blink. _Are you gonna come all over yourself? Messy, messy boy._

“Nng,” Levi’s breath caught in his throat, hand moving faster. “Shit.”

But it always moved to touching, imagining huge hands on him, hot and branding and grounding all at once, all over him. He didn’t have much of a frame of reference, but he could imagine the weight of someone on top of him. Pressing down, never letting him go, murmuring filth in Levi’s ear. 

_You want it?_ that deep rough voice said. _Tell me what you want._

“Fuck me,” Levi hissed through clenched teeth. “Fuck me, please, fu--ah! _Ah.”_

His back arched, broken moan spilling past his lips as he spilled all over his hand.

Sitting there, breathing heavy, Levi let disgust settle in his chest like a lead weight. Just like it did every time this happened. He reached for the box tissues on the coffee table, and stood to go take fourth shower.

 

Part of the mating service package Levi paid for included a car service to take him to and from the agreed upon location. “Hotels aren’t safe, to be quite frank,” Janice’d told him. “And let me assure you, Mr. Smith’s accommodations are top of the line.”

Pulling up to the estate, Levi thought, _you weren’t kidding._

Forty five minutes out of the city, three hours through the countryside, and another hour up into the mountains brought Levi to the nicest looking home he’d ever laid eyes on. Some might’ve called it beautiful. Three stories tall, Victorian style but well kept with the pale yellow paint looking crisp, gigantic wrap around porch decked out with rocking chairs and potted plants along the railing, overflowing with mums. It was distinctly homey, too nice and put together for real life, but something out of a well loved movie. Probably not the house of a mass murderer, but that could be part of the front. He grabbed his duffle from the driver’s hand, feeling deeply out of place in all black, gave a curt thanks, and watched the dust plume up from the long winding unpaved road as it rolled off and away. He faced back around, staring up at the house.

So. The point of no return.

Levi hitched his bag up over his shoulder and started up the porch when the sound of heavy footsteps rounding the side of the house caught his attention. Before he even turned his head he felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up, a sucker punch of adrenaline tunneling into that pit of despair nestled so nicely just under his rib cage. Heat blanketed with cold blanketed with heat blanketed with cold washing over his entire body as he pivoted on the second step to face the man coming around the dirt path at the side of the porch.

It was silent, save for the hum of cicadas, the birds in the trees. In the distance, heat rose up off the dirt road in waves.

Levi let his bag crash to the ground, baring his teeth as the words tore from his chest. “You’ve gotta be fucking _kidding_ me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it begins. 
> 
> This fic will update every week on Monday. Next chapter features: Levi's past, some seriously awkward conversations, and the onset of what is sure to be one long frickin' week.
> 
> Title taken from the lyrics to "Wolves and the Water" by Erward R. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, and I hope you continue to do so!! Come say hi (or ask what's wrong with me) at


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Half of this chapter takes place 10 years in the past, and the other half takes place in the present.

-10 Years Earlier-

Winters were always infinitely harder.

 _“Shit,”_ Levi swore under his breath, cold wind ripping through the streets and through his clothes. November had hit the city hard, days plagued with sheets of freezing rain that turned to sheets of ice when the sun set. Not the best time to be hitting the pavement, he knew that, but it wasn’t like he had a choice. 

None of that, however, was what made him jam his hands into his front pockets and hunch his shoulders in some attempt to fold into himself and out of sight once he caught a flash of of black and white, brandishing an all too familiar shield number.

“Levi.”

He walked faster. The last person he wanted to see--the _last goddamn person._

“Levi, I know it’s you.”

 _Fuck you,_ he thought, jaw clenching, eyes darting from side to side, searching.

“Levi, don’t make me chase you.”

Well.

Now Officer Smith was just asking for it. 

The next step his foot took against the pavement propelled him forward into a hard, fast sprint down the nearest alleyway with all the might in his bones. The chainlink fence at the end was easy enough to scale, and moments later he could hear it rattle in protest against the weight of another body as Levi hurled himself across the vacant lot. They were in the warehouse district, there had to be some nook he could find and fit himself away in to lose this motherfucker--

In the end, it was a pitch of black ice that did him in.

There was no way to see it in the dark, at the edge of the clearing where dirt met cement, he took one last stretching leap into a spot the street lamp light couldn’t touch and felt the world slip out from under him.

And just like that, it was over. Though, he thought bitterly in the back of the squad car as it rolled through the streets, if he wasn’t running on zero sleep and half a bag of abandoned Funions, he could’ve easily outran the old shit driving him down to the station. 

Hands zip tied behind his back, Officer Smith bustled him into the station, and when that burst of hot air hit Levi as they pushed through the front doors after almost four hours in the cold, he could’ve melted on the spot.

-Present Day-

It was almost like he’d walked right out of Levi’s memory, standing there in a slant of brilliant sunlight that glittered in his hair, a halo of light that made Levi wonder hysterically if any of this could possibly real. Because there was no way. No fucking way.

“Um,” Smith, at least, had the decency to look unsure. “Hi--”

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“I thought that’d be obvious,” Smith-- _Erwin_ \--brought a hand up to rub at the back of his neck. “You’ve grown up quite nicely.”

Levi bristled. “Is that some kind of crack about my height?”

“I--” Erwin, to his credit, looked honestly befuddled. The only people who ever look befuddled were old ass men, confused by slang and smart phones. “No.”

“Shit,” Levi turned, legs giving out as he fell back against the second porch step with a crash. He covered his face. _“Shit.”_

He could feel Erwin standing over him. Then, “I can leave, if you want.”

Levi’s head jerked up, hair in his eyes. “Are you stupid?”

Erwin kneeled down in front of him, one knee in the dirt. Levi inched back. “If you really wanted me to leave, I would. You’d go through your heat alone, but it would be better than spending it with someone you really didn’t want to. There are plenty of sex toys up stairs--”

Levi’s expression must have been priceless.

“What?” Erwin said. “Most people like sex toys.”

“You’ve used them on other people? As in _more than one?”_

“Usually with condoms on them, and I sanitize them after.”

Levi stared at for a moment, then launched himself up onto his feet, grabbing his duffle off the ground to sling it over his shoulder, his mind made up.

“You’re not using them on me,” he stalked up the steps, towards the front door. “Got it?”

“Understood,” Erwin got up on his feet, and followed him.

-10 Years Earlier-

“I got you your favorite,” Officer Smith held out a bag of what was definitely take out from the diner up the road. He could mean anything by ‘your favorite,’ but Levi would bet his left nut that there was whole container of hot, crispy, perfectly seasoned french fries in that bag. His stomach roared, and Office Smith’s face dimpled with a grin. “I thought you might be hungry.”

Levi snatched the bag and ripped it open. If this creep wanted to pay for his food, let ‘im pay. No skin off his bones.

“I haven’t seen you since you stole that ham at Thanksgiving.”

Levi kept his mouth shut--or rather, stuffed it to the point of bursting with fries. This was how it usually went between them; Smith would try to butter him up with food, try to relate to Levi, and Levi would keep dead silent. For as long as he could, anyway.

“We were wondering where you disappeared to.”

Levi made a low sound in his throat--if he could disappear, he would. Instead, he ripped a bite out of the burger he’d fished from the paperbag. It had just been too fucking cold to spend all hours of the night out on the streets. But the bruise smarting at his side had made the decision for him. He shoved the rest of the burger into his mouth.

Smith watched him. “If you eat that fast, you’ll either choke or puke. Slow down.”

Levi managed to swallow what he had., gaze sharp. “Stop talking.”

Officer Smith held his hands up in silent surrender, then reached forward to steal a fry.

-Present Day-

Erwin Smith was intent on showing him the house and grounds, even when Levi tried to refuse. He really just wanted to be shown the shower, the weight of exhaustion pressing down behind his eyes, dizzy disbelief that he was following around the same man who used to tackle him to the ground and haul him into the precinct a lifetime ago.

The first floor of the house was well lit and open, high ceilings with huge windows, but still cozy with creaky floorboards and well loved furniture. The huge kitchen let out onto a back deck that overlooked about an acre of land that fed into a thicket of woods. 

“The backyard faces due north,” he held his arms out in a grand, sweeping motion. “If anything happens, there’s a town straight ahead. You hit a service road about a mile down the slope, and then another mile downhill on that road you’ll find it. There are emergency services there, so we’re not that removed from everything.”

Levi, somehow, felt more trapped than before. Erwin pointed over his shoulder.

“And out there is the tool shed. It uh...sheds tools.”

Levi stared. Had Smith always been such an awkward ass old man? His memory had insisted some kind of...glowing haze of noble Alpha-dom onto Officer Smith, impossibly golden and resilient and untarnished. Either Levi was remembering him differently, or their decade apart had twisted this into some kind of pleated khaki wearing parody of his former self.

Levi tilted his head. “Is that where you keep the ax you’ll use to dismember my body?”

Erwin shot him a wide eyed alarmed look.

Levi said slowly, “Kidding.”

“Right,” Erwin peered down at him, half grin in place. “I forgot all about your tactful sense of humor.”

Levi squinted. The hell was that suppose to mean? 

“And over here,” Erwin swung around to the far side of the deck.. “There’s a beautiful view of the sunset from here during the evenings.”

Levi stuffed his hands into his pockets and followed, sun beating down on them. He was about to, for the fourth time now, try and find out where the shower was out so he could wash this whole goddamn morning away when his traitorous stomach let out a long, long, loud-ass growl. Levi regretted with every fiber of his being skipping breakfast that morning.

“Are you hungry?” Erwin whipped around, eyes practically glittering.

Levi opened his mouth--but what was he gonna do? Not eat?

“Wait,” Erwin held up a finger, walking backwards. “Right here.”

Levi flapped his arms against his sides as he watched Erwin run back into the house, because where the fuck could he _go?_ He circled the table, eyeing the gleam of the glass, wondering how clean it really was before he reached out and ran a finger along the underside.

Acceptable. He plunked down in a chair, arms folded, shade of the umbrella cooling his flushed face.

“I thought you might be hungry,” Erwin hip checked the screen door open, hands full with a tray. There was a small mountain of assorted sandwiches, freshly cut fruit, a pitcher of water and two glasses. His arms strained against the fabric of his shirt, the buttons looking stressed to the point of popping, strands of usually tucked away hair falling into his face. “So I made some food before you got here.”

Erwin set down the tray and reached to pull something from his back pocket. Foil packets that Levi, for a horrified moment, thought were condoms until he realized they were wetnaps. To clean their hands. Levi’s gut gave a tug.

Erwin, thankfully, kept his mouth shut as they started to eat. It helped Levi ignore him, and this heavy feeling of deja vu. Erwin used to give Levi food all the time, and Levi, too fucking hungry to even try to feign indifference, always caved. It made Levi always feel like he was giving into the things he couldn’t, no matter how hard he tried, ignore. Hunger, exhaustion, Officer Smith. He ripped into his sandwich, not even caring what it was.

“If you’re ever hungry, the kitchen’s fully stocked,” Erwin finally said. “I want you to treat this house like it’s your own, because of the next week it is. Feel free to help yourself to anything you want.”

Levi stared, and his eyes, for the briefest moment, flickered down to the unbuttoned top of Erwin’s shirt, the hollow of his throat. He tore his gaze back around, and ripped open his third wetnap. “So, you gonna explain anything, or what?”

“Explain what?”

“You knew it was me,” Levi got under his thumbnail. “You had to.”

“Not immediately,” Erwin said, so easy, like it was such a simple thing to admit. “But I did figure it out.”

Levi narrowed his eyes. They’d been together less than twenty minutes and he already felt like he was being handled, like not a day had passed in the ten years they hadn’t seen each other. He hated that feeling.

“Then why?”

“Why what?”

“Why’d you want to do this,” Levi asked, slow so Erwin could keep up, “if you knew it was me?”

“I just…” Erwin shrugged, never looking away. Never backing down. Warm summer wind pushed across the deck, winding through Erwin’s hair, “wanted to.”

Levi--

Levi didn’t know what the fuck to do with that.

“Usually this is when I ask,” Erwin took a sip from his drink, swiftly changing the subject, “what you’d like out of our week together. Likes, dislikes, boundaries--normal things.”

Were those things normal? Levi wouldn’t know. He ripped open another wetnap, intent on getting under his fingernails one last time. “You’re the one who’s done this before. You’re the Alpha.”

“It’s always good to talk about these things. Plus, a lot of people are nervous before their first heat.”

“I’m not nervous.” Lie. Bold faced lie.

“Alright,” and Erwin didn’t believe him for a damn second. “I could take you to bed now, then.”

“Don’t,” Levi’s hands tore the wetnap in half, “say it like that.”

“Say it like what?”

“Like you’re fulfilling some noble cause instead of fucking someone ten years your junior.”

Erwin shrugged his humongous shoulders. Levi got a sudden flash of his fingers gripping onto them, teeth sinking into the skin there. He looked away. 

Erwin didn’t say anything for a beat, and when Levi’s gaze flickered back to him, his expression was just a step above outright smug. “I can feel when you think those things, you know.”

A tidal wave of hot embarrassment flooded Levi, and he rounded on Erwin with a hard scowl. Of course. Of course. Years of learning how to mask every last itch of feeling, and this guy could see right through him. Could smell his want like an odor, betraying each stitch of self-preservation Levi had left, like he wasn’t anything other than a bitch in heat.

“You’re so tense,” Erwin leaned his chin into his hand, leaned in towards Levi. Smoky, dark, heady. Levi held his breath. “In the end, it’s just sex--nothing out of the norm. I promise.”

Levi didn’t move, but there must’ve been some micro twitch of expression that betrayed him, or maybe it was just his resolute silence as he stared dead ahead.

“Levi, are you--” Erwin’s eyes turned round and wide, stammering. “Have you--”

“I’m gonna shower,” Levi stood abruptly, because he was not about to have this conversation.

Erwin got up, too. “I’ll show you where it is.”

“No,” the last thing he needed was Erwin and himself in a confined space meant for naked privacy, showing Levi how to work the shower, where the towels were. Things that were too intimate for Levi to handle right now. “I can find it myself.”

-10 Years Earlier-

“Why were you out tonight, Levi?”

Levi slurped obnoxiously at the last of his soda--pointless, because tiny shit like that never got under Smith’s skin like it did to Zacharius or Shadis any other officer in the precinct who’d dragged him in at one point or another. For them, Levi would bite of his nails and spat them on the floor. He’d put his grimy boots up on their nice clean desks and stare blankly when they asked questions, and then the questions would stop. With them, it was simple.

“Is there something wrong?” Smith leaned in. “With your foster home?”

Levi didn’t even twitch. He was better than that at this point in the game. Instead he started throwing back ice from his cup and eating with with his mouth open.

“You know you can tell me, right? If there’s something wrong.”

Levi belched.

A sigh, Smith running a hand through his hair, and as he pulled his fingers out silky threads of blond fell into his face, broken free of their gelled mold. Levi brought his knees to his chest, staring straight ahead resolutely. 

“Well, I’m not letting you go home tonight, regardless. Your social worker’s coming in the morning,” Office Smith said, standing as he brushed his greasy hands against his slacks. Levi made a face. “Let’s get your cell ready.”

-Present Day-

Virgin. That word.

It wasn’t that Levi cared enough to be embarrassed--honestly it didn’t mean much to him, but like most personal things he filed it under No One’s Goddamn Business. He tore off his clothes, piling them on the floor

Erwin had a copy of his STI results--clean, obviously, and Levi figured that beyond that, he didn’t have to say a thing about his sexual history (or lack of one, more accurately). 

_I just...wanted to._

He braced a hand against the shower wall, hot water cascading over him, eyes slipping shut.

Those were words he didn’t use often. Levi could tell. Men like Erwin Smith didn’t say things like want; it was always a need, never prefaced with an I. It was the kind of martyr complex Levi found generally repulsive, the kind of thing he’d grown up with, surrounded by so-called selfless foster parents, social workers, police officers. They just buried their selfishness under piles and piles of bullshit, knowing they could take whatever they wanted, that no one would believe him if he said anything. That they deserved it after _selflessly_ giving so much.

Everything in the bathroom was unscented, generic. Levi for the first time in his life couldn’t bring himself to use soap--it felt too intimate. He just let the hot water run over him with his eyes clenches shut, trying to get a handle on this whole thing. It was supposed to be simple. It was designed to be simple, shit, that was the point--where he could just fuck some random guy so he wouldn’t claw his eyeballs out or some other equally ridiculous urban legend grade bullshit. It wasn't supposed to be someone he knew, someone he--

He turned off the water and stepped out, but stayed inside the bathroom for another good half hour.

-10 Years Earlier-

“You know, if you didn’t try to escape so often, I wouldn’t have to put you in the cell. You could just sleep in the break room.”

Smith padded the holding cell bench with extra blankets, like that would actually get Levi to sleep there.

“If you didn’t run away from home,” Smith continued. “I wouldn’t have to bring you here, period.”

 _Like you don’t love it,_ Levi watched him bend at the waist, patting down the blankets, seat of his pants stretching obscenely.

“Your birthday’s in a few days, right?” Smith said. “18. You won’t have to deal with me anymore. Assuming you don’t knock over a liquor store or stab someone. Please don’t do those things, by the way. Too much paperwork.”

Levi snorted in spite of himself.

“You don’t have to deal with me. Or you social worker, or your foster home, or anyone,” Smith turned to him. “You’ll be all alone.”

Levi tried not to let his outrage show on his face, but from the way Officer Smith grinned at him, all teeth and no heart, Levi probably failed. 

“You need other people in this world, Levi,” Officer Smith walked past, out of the cell. “Fight it all you want, but there’s no shame in needing other people. I hope you’ll realize that someday.”

And Levi, still 17, with nothing to his name except a pair of jeans and a threadbare hoodie and an exhausted hate for everyone around him, for Officer Smith, for himself, said the only thing he could, with all the conviction left in him.

“Fuck you.”

Officer Smith, like that was just so damn amusing to him, grinned and slammed the cell door shut.

-Present Day-

“This is your room,” Erwin pushed open the door. He'd been waiting outside the bathroom door like some lost puppy when Levi finally finished showering. “I’m right down the hall.”

Levi ran a finger along the edge of the dresser, masking his surprise that they wouldn’t be in the same room together. So far, nothing was going like Levi expected it to, and it made him uneasy. He rubbed his fingertips together--at least this place was decently clean. The bed was made, a double with a thousand and one pillows, paisley patterned to compliment the sweetly colored yellow room doused in natural night from the afternoon sun right outside the curtained windows.

“If you need anything...” Erwin said, and Levi turned back around to face him.

 _Kiss me,_ he thought suddenly, deliriously, with the punch of something drowsy. _Kiss me and throw me down on the bed and fuck me--_

He stalked over to closet and yanked it open, throwing his duffle onto the floor.

“Right,” Erwin said behind him. “There’ll be dinner around 6, so please come down if you’re hungry.”

Levi had no plan to leave this room for the rest of the night. He had a feeling Erwin knew that.

Footsteps fell behind him, and Levi froze, staring at the empty closet as he felt the heat radiating off of Erwin. He tried to keep his breathing even, but his pounding heart made it hard to focus on anything else. He could feel his hairline break out in a sweat, Erwin leaning in closer and closer, and he thought this was it. This was it, he was about the get taken by an Alpha who could smell how bad Levi wanted it, who could hear his heart and his breathing and--

Erwin reached up onto the top shelf in the closet and pulled down a pack of plastic hangers, brand new, never opened. He hung them on the bar, and then he just...back away. 

Then that deep, deep voice rasped, “In case you need to hang anything up.”

And with that he turned and left, Levi standing in the wake of whatever had just happened--or what hadn’t happened--shaking.

-10 Years Earlier-

This was the moment--the moment that branded itself into Levi’s memory, that he couldn’t shake even a year, five years, ten years later. It lived under his skin, somewhere between bone and blood, microscopic but heavy. Too heavy, like Officer’s Smith’s gaze settled on him as he drew the cell door shut with a heavy metal clank.

His hand shot through the bars, gripping the front of the officer’s shirt, yanking forward.

Levi stared, eyes round and wide, like he couldn’t even believe what he just did. And Officer Smith never looked away, never startled, like he knew somehow what Levi was going to do before he even did it. Like he knew what Levi was doing when Levi himself had no fucking clue. He couldn’t explain it beyond the fact that he always wanted to do shit like that when Officer Smith was around. This impulse, this knee jerk reflex, to reach out and grab, take, hold. 

It wasn’t like he couldn’t sense that Smith was an Alpha--it was plain as day, just as obvious as it was to Smith that Levi was an omega. It was probably part of the reason he just couldn’t leave Levi the hell alone, though neither of them had breathed a word of it to one another, or even took note of it past the mute recognition they both had the moment their eyes first met almost two years ago. It’d felt, Levi remembered, like getting stuck by lightning.

A huge warm hand covered Levi’s own, and pulling it free. Levi’s heartbeat thrummed in his ears, so loud he barely heard Officer Smith say, “Goodnight, Levi.”

He backed away completely, turned to head back to his desk.

Two days later Levi turned 18, booked it out of his foster home, got back in touch with Kenny for a little while, and spent the rest of his teens and early 20s bouncing from one shady job to the next. Even with his fair share of run in’s with law enforcement, he never saw Smith again. Not that Levi was hoping he’d be, or that he even cared.

It was just something his mind got stuck on, from time to time (sometimes with his hand down his pants), but it didn’t matter. Because he was 100% convinced he’d never see Officer Smith again, and that was the way it should be.

-Present Day-

Levi gasped awake in a bed he didn’t know, in a house that wasn’t his, and everything reeked so incredibly of artifice and unfamiliarity it burned his lungs. There was a dampness against his legs, the bed sheets, his cock pulsing against his stomach, coming from the friction against the mattress. He ground down into it, whimpering as he gripped duvet so hard his fingernails tore holes in it, second orgasm hitting hard enough to hurt.

His body moved before his mind could fight it’s way out of the dense fog it was caught in, swinging out of the bed and stumbling with sleep numb limbs out into the hallway. He could feel the draw to the room down the hall--Erwin’s room. Erwin, Officer Smith, _the Alpha’s_ bedroom. It was intoxicating, the thought of it, of walking in there and being pinned down and worked open and fucked raw. He shuddered with his whole body, grinning despite himself, because he wanted it. He wanted to get fucked, to let Erwin fuck him and take him and knot him.

He couldn’t--he couldn’t--he couldn’t--

Outside. The world thrummed in his veins in time with his heartbeat. He needed to get outside where the air wouldn't be trying to suffocate him, where he could run fast and hard and away. Where he could be totally completely alone.

He practically fell down the stairs, flying towards where he thought the front door might be in this unnecessarily fucking huge house, hitting into a side table and breaking a lamp and not giving a flying shit because his entire body was on fire. Absolute and inescapable fire under his skin, in his bones, so much Levi just want to rip it out of himself as he reached the foyer.

That was when something caught him by the arm and pulled him back.

A new scent enveloped him, and while it didn’t hurt to breathe, it took that fire inside and fed it, igniting places Levi believed were unburnable. He gasped, a horrible chest deep noise, the smell flooding him. And it wasn’t the acidic burn of bleach that the rest of the house seemingly been doused in, the smell Levi had for such a long time loved and found comfort in--it was something dark and smokey and consuming as Erwin held Levi against his chest.

“Levi,” Erwin’s voice curled into his ear. “Levi, you’re okay, just breathe.”

Levi grit his teeth that part of him that still wanted to fight this (that part of him that always wanted to fight everything) hissing. “Shut up. Holy shit, _shut the fuck up.”_

“Why didn’t you come get me?” Erwin’s hold tightened. He sounded mad, and Levi thought to all the times Erwin had tackled him to the ground before. All the times he would wonder aloud, incredulously, why Levi had to cause him such trouble. But all those other times? He hadn’t been pressing an erection to Levi’s lower back. “Levi.”

How is he supposed to manage actual words when his blood was on fire?

“Levi, if you don’t want me here, I’ll go.”

God, he was so tired of fighting.

He put his hands over Erwin’s gripping tight. He screwed his eyes shut, swallowing. “Take me to bed, you fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter: BONE CITY BB
> 
> This fic updates every Monday. (there's still 10 minutes left of Monday EST)
> 
> I'm sorry. Please come hurl abuse at me at chillnaxin.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> small note: there is a very clear absence of condoms in these sex scenes. Levi and Erwin both entered into this arrangement with the understanding that they wouldn't have to use any if they didn't want to, and since this is, y'know, weird unrealistic A/o fanfic sex where the rules are made up and the points don't matter, I decided to forgo including it. Please always practice safe sex with your partners.

_“Take me to bed, you fuck.”_

Levi should have known that when he said those words he would end up being carried.

Even in the thick of a heavy, heavy heat haze, Levi drew the line at bridal style--he scrambled, securing his legs around Erwin’s waist and clinging for all he was worth, shoving his face into the side of Erwin’s neck and inhaling deeply, because he just couldn’t get enough of that smell. Levi opened his mouth, laving his tongue against that salty slick flesh until he was dropped, body bouncing against a mattress that was drenched in that smoky smell. He arched up off the bed and moan at the loss of contact, but then Erwin was blanketing him.

“How do you want this?” his voice was rough, almost strangled sounding. And when he said Levi’s name it sounded like prayer and sacrilege all at once. “Levi.”

The heat haze had knocked every last bit of self-consciousness out of Levi. He was a panting, writhing mess against the mattress, in come soaked underwear with an Alpha hovering over him. Shit he just didn’t care, he just wanted--

“I need you,” Levi swallowed. “I--”

In the darkness, Erwin paused, and reached over, turning the bedside lamp on. Levi could see, now, the deep red in Erwin’s face, the lines around his eyes as he stared, the gray at his temples. Levi’s heart, unbelievably, started beating faster.

Then they were set into motion again, with hands working up under Levi’s clothes and pulling them off.

“God, look at you,” he murmured against the column of Levi’s throat. “I bet you’re already all nice and wet for me.”

His sweats and underwear were yanked off in one swift pull, and the undeniable slickness between his legs had another wave of heat flushed his chest. Self-lubrication. That’d been the words his doctor had used, the phrase in all the pamphlets she gave him, on all of the First Heat forums he’d spent hours pouring over. But the way Erwin put it-- _wet_ \--it made him bite his lip and make this broken off sound, mind going a million miles a second. _Yes, I’m wet for you. I’m so wet for you, god, fuck me._

His legs were hoisted up over those shoulders, and Erwin’s finger slipped right inside. Levi’s breath hitched. Someone--another person--was touching him like this, was seeing him like this, was inside of him like this. He wanted to say something, a direction or an affirmation or anything besides the whines he was holding back. Erwin’s dark eyes settled on him as he kissed the inside of Levi’s knee before pressing another finger alongside the first, his free hand working Levi’s dick in light strokes.

“Is it good, Levi?” they curled inside of him. “You like it like this?”

And just like that Levi was coming in a long, broken moan, and Erwin fingered him through it with short, rapid thrusts until Levi’s entire body was shaking. His hips jerked up off the bed, back bowed and mouth stretched open wide. _“Fuck._ ” 

He caught himself as hair was pushed out of his face, a moment to breathe before that familiar stir of heat licked low through his belly, punctuated by the curl of Erwin’s fingers still inside him, sliding out, in again, over and over, a third one added. Filling him, fucking him. This was happening. This was _really_ happening.

He grabbed at Erwin’s shoulders, at the t-shirt still clinging, and he yanked at it. “Come on.”

There’s a hum, Erwin pulling his hand back, leaving Levi grunting at the feeling before he refocused on the sight before him. Erwin pulled his shirt up over his head, coming out the other end with ruffled hair and a grin that dimpled his cheek. 

Levi sat forward and yanked his sweats down. No underwear, just tufts of dark blond leading down to a thick, swollen cock flopping out. His mind flashed back to those 5 star ratings he saw in Erwin’s file.

Levi fell back against the pillows, snorting.

“You know,” Erwin kicked the sweats off onto the floor, then leaned over on his forearms. The head of his dick dragged against Levi’s thigh. “You really shouldn’t laugh the first time you see someone naked.”

“You know what you look like,” Levi’s arms slid up again around Erwin’s neck. “Don’t be an ass.”

“Mm?” Erwin planted nipping kisses up the line of Levi’s jaw. “And how do I look, exactly?”

He pulled at Erwin’s hair, forcing him back. “Like you’re not going to fit.”

There was a still moment, and even in the darkness of the bedroom he could feel Erwin’s eyes tunneling into him. “Penetration isn’t the only way we can have intercourse. We could do whatever you’re--”

“Don’t say it like that.”

“I’m just trying to--”

“I know,” Levi slapped a hand over his face, pulling it down. “Can you just fuck me already?”

Suddenly his hips getting yanked back up, Levi’s shoulders taking the weight. “You love to test me, don’t you?”

Levi hooked his legs around Erwin’s waist . “Like you don’t do the same damn thing.”

Erwin reached down, and Levi inhaled at the feeling of something distinctly not a finger sliding between his spread ass, catching on his rim every time it pushed up. Erwin dragged the head of his cock up and down, so slowly, so painfully deliberate. He bit at his lower lip to muffle the whimpers his chest insisted on letting out, fully hard again, a twinge of over sensitivity digging itself into his nerves, pressed up alongside the deep seated need to come again, _please, fuck, Erwin._

“Okay,” Erwin said, and Levi realized he must’ve been talking out loud. “Okay.”

Finally, finally--Levi’s mouth fell open in a silent shout as he watched Erwin’s face do the same, lips parting and rounding with the first truly broken sound he’s ever heard Erwin make as he sunk in. Hair fell into his face, and without thinking Levi reached up to tuck it back, the body above him falling forward at the touch, their fronts flush.

Arms slid around Levi’s back, his head seated in Erwin’s palm. The kiss crashed down on him, perfectly painful and messy. Precision could come later--right now Levi just wanted to feel. He just wanted to charge full force into this and feel every last move and breath and moan on a molecular level. He wanted it to be too much, to hurt, to take him out of his mind, his body, made untouchable through Erwin’s touch. God, he didn’t even know, but he didn’t want or have to.

“Levi,” Erwin gasped, hips drawing back. “You feel so good.”

He even wanted this stupid old man to keep spouting gross nonsense, so long as his did it with his lips on Levi’s skin. 

Erwin moved again, Levi reaching back to grip at the top of the headboard, hissing at the feeling.

It felt good, he thought, followed by a breathless laugh. It felt amazing and he didn’t know why that was so surprising, but he never expected it to just...feel so fucking great, Erwin rocking down into him, over and over again until Levi’s vision blurred with what might’ve been tears, using his hold as leverage to fuck himself back against Erwin’s every thrust.

His own orgasm surprised him, so lost in that feeling of being filled that when it hit he couldn’t stop the moan he let out, hands flying from the headboard to Erwin, arms around his neck as he came. “Fuck, _Erwin.”_

Before he even finished, Levi was being hoisted up, sitting up on Erwin’s thighs with their fronts pressed together, Erwin moving the both of them, hard and rapid. Another kiss, too short lived for Levi’s liking even though it was mostly teeth, but Erwin broke it as he came in the most beautifully broken gasp, forehead creased, lips swollen and open, sheen with sweat and staring right into Levi's eyes.

They collapsed into what Levi had always heard hushed tales about--the tangle of limbs. The spectacular post coital event performed by body weary lovers. Levi was part of a lovers, of a post-coital, of a _tangle of limbs._ He panted, shaking, staring up at the ceiling. Holy shit. There he was. His limbs tangled up with someone else’s. Unbelievable. 

The haze was numbed, and exhaustion overtook Levi just as Erwin said something he couldn’t quite make out.

 

Levi didn’t like to be touched.

It was just easier--easier to pretend other people could exist wholly separate from himself, that lives and love and people didn’t have to overlap with one another. Didn’t have to cling to each other. Part cleanliness, part trust, part having no clue what to do when he was. The people in his life respected it.

That didn’t mean that there weren’t times when he craved it. Marrow deep, gut clenching, rib squeezing, cold sweat need to just grab someone and hold on for dear fucking life. To bury his face in someone’s hair and memorize the smell of their shampoo, to grip tight enough to bruise, to not need words Every last indescribable feeling written in the pads of his fingertips bruising into someone’s waist, hands, shoulders, throat. 

He didn’t know if it was the heat bringing on that feeling again. Some physiological drive for closeness with a partner, or something. Erwin hadn’t knotted him. Maybe that’s what it was.

Maybe he just really wanted to be cuddled, goddammit.

Instead, he teetered at the very edge of the bed, straight as a board with his arms at his sides, staring at the ceiling, hyper aware of every last inch of himself. Maybe if they’d still been in that Tangle of Limbs™, Levi could just swallow whatever kick of self-consciousness that was pinning his every thought and mold himself against Erwin without that vague, looming sense of rejection. But they’d drifted away some time during the few hours of sleep Levi’d gotten, Erwin facing away towards the door.

 _He fucked you,_ Levi thought. _He held you down, took your virginity, came inside of you--and you think he’ll have a problem with you spooning him?_

It didn’t make sense, but it didn’t have to. Sunlight slowly crept into the room.

There was a creak, a grunt, Erwin flopping over. He looked completely sleep wrecked with his hair a mess and his face sporting fresh pillow lines, spot of dried drool on his chin. He squinted at Levi, like he wasn’t sure who was there, then the smallest spark of recognition before his eyes shut again, and he reached out to yank Levi in by the waist on one swift tug, pulling an arm over his chest, forcing his face into the crook of Erwin’s neck, legs threading.

Levi’s thumping heart eventually calmed, and he slipped back into sleep.

 

They must’ve drifted apart again, because when Levi woke up, he was face down on the right side of the bed, rock hard and pushing his dick against the soft sheets in half circles, grunting at the friction.

“Mmm,” a hum broke the silence. “What a sight to wake up to.”

Levi clenched his jaw, exhaling through his nose as his thighs trembled.

When he reigned himself in enough to look, Erwin was propped on on an elbow, chin leaning against his palm. He looked like a jackass. Levi buried his face back into the pillow.

Erwin said, “You should’ve woken me up.”

 _You should shut up,_ Levi thought. Instead, he went, “You gonna do something, or just stare?”

“Hmmm,” Erwin’s voice dropped low, like there was someone else who could hear them. “I don’t know. I’m quite taken with this view.”

It was literally every wet dream Levi had ever had--someone watching him. ('Someone,' like that person didn’t have a name or a face. Like that someone, beyond all logic and reason, wasn’t the someone radiating warmth across wrinkled, stained bed sheets right at that exact moment). His breath caught, and he curved his back, grinding down with deliberate flourish. 

He tried not the smirk outright when he heard Erwin’s soft, _fuck_

Hands were on his hips, yanking Levi back before the moved to palm at his ass. “You like it, don’t you? Having someone watch you.”

They both moved onto their sides, Levi’s knee hooked over Erwin’s elbow as they fucked good and slow in the heat of the summer sun streaking in from between the open curtains. It was soft and unhurried, the urgency from last night gone with the darkness, and in the light of day he saw Erwin’s room was warm, muted red, from sheets to the delicately patterned wallpaper. He shuddered, dragging his teeth along the soft inside of Erwin’s bicep where his head was cushioned, the pace quickened. 

“Don’t--” Levi bit at his bottom lip. “Don’t stop.”

“I’ve got you,” Erwin whispered back against Levi’s jaw. “I’ve got you.”

 

If anyone could ever truly exemplify the oxymoron “aggressive cuddling,” it would be Alpha Erwin Smith and his huge, ripped steroid bologna arms. 

Levi squirmed. “What're you doing?”

“Mm?” 

He pushed the flat of his hand against the top of Erwin’s head, shoving. “You’ve got stubble and it hurts--quit nuzzling me.”

Erwin didn’t back off without one last good drag of his chin along Levi’s shoulder--then he was up on his feet, out of the room, voice carrying down the hall. “Be right back.”

Levi collapsed back against the huge bed, sprawled out. He moved his arms and legs, feeling the emptiness, the room. Growing up, he dreamed of beds like this one--huge four poster frames with ornate headboards, sometimes with canopies and sometimes without, king sized mattresses so plush and comfortable he’d fall instantly asleep the second his body dove in. A bed where he could sleep for as long as he wanted, alone.

When Erwin came back, he had scones and tea.

Levi’s heart thumped inside of his chest. He accepted the mug, and the bed dipped as Erwin slid back between the sheets.

 

Tangle of Limbs™ turned a touch too tangled. After so many hours just laying around together, breaking only for split bathroom trips, it was getting hard to tell where Levi ended and Erwin began. And more importantly--

Levi pushed the point of Erwin’s nose up. “I need to shower.”

“Mmm,” Erwin tightened his hold.

 _“You_ need to shower,” Levi added, squirming. “You reek.”

“We could shower together,” Erwin offered, hair perfectly tousled, smile sweet but blinding.

Levi shot him an appropriately horrified look.

A snort. “Okay. Forget I said anything.”

A pause, then, “Seriously. I need a shower.”

Teeth grazed the shell of Levi’s ear, a dark, low voice murmuring, “But I like you dirty.”

He elbowed Erwin in the solar plexus--not too hard, but enough to earn an _oof_ before huge arms relented, letting Levi slip out of bed and into the bathroom.

 

He loved going through people’s medicine cabinets. He couldn’t tell you why. Levi realized it was a gross invasion of privacy, that it was rude, that he himself coveted his own privacy, and that if he ever caught someone doing this shit he’d toss them over his apartment’s balcony into the oncoming traffic below. 

He popped open the bathroom mirror.

It was mostly empty. There was a shaving kit, toothpaste and floss, tubs of multivitamins and supplements. No Bengay, no Viagra, odd rash creams--

His hands curled around a pill bottle tucked away on the top shelf. _Don’t,_ his mind whispered.

He looked anyway.

“Zoloft…” Levi squinted. 

Erwin’s name was on it and everything. He turned it over in his hands, listening to the pills click together gently, though it seemed to boom in the echo of the bathroom. He thought, for the millionth time since he’d entered this goddamn house, that he really didn’t know anything about Erwin Smith.

Do you honestly deserve to? the voice asked again.

It was so easy, this thing. Easier than Levi ever bargained for, to just shut themselves up in this house, in bed, and pretend to be together in every sense of the word rather than just one. It made him believe things that probably weren’t true. Like that Erwin was his.

These were dangerous thoughts.

He placed it back exactly how he found it, shut the cabinet, and turned on the hot water.

 

"How was your shower?" Erwin asked, sweat sheen and 

Levi eyed him. "Wet."

The corner of Erwin's mouth ticked up in a smirk. "How wet, exactly?"

A burning image of that same word being hissed against Levi's ear sent a full body shiver through him. What was worse was that Erwin knew exactly what he was thinking. He threw the towel at Erwin's face. "Stop leering at me like some sleazeball and make me lunch."

They spend the rest of the day like this--flirting, Levi realized with a flush. This was full body contact, no holds barred, winner-takes-all flirting. Erwin refused to put a shirt on, and whenever he would catch Levi staring, he’d flex. Like some goddamn kid. And later that afternoon, when the haze hit again, Erwin did him on the living room floor in a slant of sunlight coming in through the ceiling tall windows.

They washed up, ate, then fucked themselves hungry again on the dining room table. Lather, rinse, repeat on the bathroom counter, the washing machine, the second guest room with Levi's open suitcase on the floor, pressed pants and folded shirts judging them.

The sofa in the study.

“You blush with your whole body,” Erwin ducked his head, planting kisses down Levi’s chest to his belly as they adjusted against the cushions, pulling out of him with a particularly gross sounding squelch. “I never would’ve known.”

“Yeah, well,” Levi squirmed, trickle of liquid running down his inner thigh. “Now you do.”

“I want to know more,” Erwin admitted, like it was that simple. “Tell me about yourself.”

Levi stared at the ceiling, mind purposefully blank. He still wasn’t sure if Erwin could read minds or not, but he was leaning towards a resolute yes. “Like what?”

“Like,” Erwin sat up, letting Levi draw back into himself. He was getting good at that, telling when Levi needed space. He reached for the tissue box on the desl. “What do you do? For a job, I mean.”

Levi had yanked his shirt back on, shimmying back into his pants. “I lead a crime syndicate.”

There was a pause, and when Levi looked over, Erwin was staring.

“Kidding,” Levi said slowly. “I’m a general contractor.”

“Why do I get the feeling you weren’t totally kidding.”

Erwin was sharp. He tended to forget that, which was bad--he needed to stop underestimating this man. He buttoned his jeans, zipping up. “I dabbled in a lot of things.”

“Was one of those things being professionally glib?”

“Possibly.”

Erwin cracked a smile. “You always were a character.”

Levi stared down at his hands, mind flashing with every single stored up memory he had of Officer Smith. Of every memory from the past day. The pills in the medicine cabinet. How they needed to be reconciled, somehow. He let his head hang. “This is weird.”

“Yes,” Erwin said. “But I don’t think I mind.”

Levi found himself oddly touched. He moved across the sofa on his hands and knees.

“Did you used to think about this?” Levi swung a leg over Erwin’s bare thighs, straddling him. “Back when we first met?”

Erwin’s expression read nothing short of alarmed, mouth curling back against his teeth. “No. Of course not. Levi--you were just a kid.”

“That didn’t stop some people,” Levi regretted the words the second he said them, especially when Erwin didn’t look away, something clicking behind bright eyes. A confirmation. Levi moved to stand. “Not that it matters. I took care of myself obviously, or I wouldn’t be the incredible well adjusted person you see before you today. So don’t look at me like that.”

“You shouldn’t have had to,” the hands on Levi’s waist tightened for a moment, but let go. Were willing to let Levi go. “You were a child.”

It ripped through Levi’s chest, so sudden and so harsh that, from the look on his face, Erwin must have felt it, too. He stayed, threading his hands through Erwin’s hair. There was the softest whisper of gray at his temples that wasn’t there ten years ago. He fisted his hands in Erwin’s hair and yanked, exposing his neck, the gleam of something unreadable in blue eyes. An enigma. A whisper of a shadow of a thought--this man was so incredibly, deceptively simple but that simplicity ran miles and miles deep, to places Levi would never see. He had a darkness, secrets maybe, and beyond that he seemed to know exactly what Levi was going to do before he even did it.

And still, somehow.

Somehow.

He pressed a kiss the underside of Erwin’s chin, and then fell away, back against the couch. Erwin followed moments later.

 

The next morning brought sheets of rain, everything outside copper toned from the sun muted by thick clouds. They listened to it beat against the window panes, rhythmic and soothing as Erwin combed fingers through Levi’s hair, his other hand splayed across Levi’s belly.

Erwin leaned down and kissed Levi, chaste, but slow and with the smacking sound that promised something longer, hotter, wetter if Levi wanted. Erwin promised a lot of things without ever saying a word. He just had that way about him, Levi supposed, or maybe he was just imagining shit. Projecting nonsense onto people without really knowing jack shit about them.

“When it stops raining,” Levi shifted onto his back. “Show me around again.”

Erwin lit up, nodding wordlessly.

 

The sun broke through the clouds that afternoon, everything smelling like wet earth as they clunked down the front porch. It was hot--Levi had almost forgotten, having spent so long inside comfortably air conditioned rooms, the air heavy with humidity, so thick Levi could feel it filling his lungs. It was strangely grounding as he watching Erwin gesture with outstretched arms all of the things he’d told Levi their first day together. This time, though, Levi listened.

“I bought it back in...Lord, it must’ve been 2011, but I didn’t get around to actually doing anything with it until recently. Spent the last year renovating, practically rebuilding it from the ground up,” Erwin explained. Birds fluttered from the trees at the sound of their footsteps, and it echoed over the ridge. “Probably not the wisest investment, but...it charmed me.”

 _You’ve got a thing for busted up shit that needs a lot of work, don’t you?_ Levi didn’t say. “Hm.”

“And those mountains over to the east,” Erwin pointed. “There are ski trails on the far side. You can actually see the lodge from here. Big selling point for potential buyers.”

“Who the hell,” Levi sneered, “skis?”

“A lot of people, Levi.”

“You pay upwards of thousands of dollars,” Levi kept going, “so you can fall down the side of a mountain. People do know they can do that for free, right?”

“Not everyone is as clever as you are, I guess.”

Levi glared. “Don’t get smart.”

“I won’t if you won’t,” Erwin cocked an eyebrow, walking backwards. Levi found his own mouth stretching, and he picked up his pace to keep up. 

 

Erwin still hadn’t knotted him.

Levi didn’t know if this was weird or not. The advice forums he went on didn’t talk about knotting in-depth, past what it physically was, and any research he did outside of those sites mostly turned up very strange, very intense porn. He stopped looking after that.

Erwin wouldn’t knot him, and he also wouldn’t let him clean. Both of these things were very concerning for Levi, and took up the majority of this thoughts as he watched Erwin from the kitchen island. He was wearing _those jeans,_ the ones that would make anyone else look like a TV sitcom dad from the 80s--which is what Erwin did look like, but an exceptionally hot TV sitcom Dad as he sauteed onions in a frying pan and diced carrots on the counter.

“I do know how to cook,” Levi turned a page the LL Bean catalog open in front of him. “I’m not half bad, actually.”

“I’m supposed to take care of you while you’re here,” Erwin didn’t even bother to turn from the stove. “Come taste this.”

Levi slid over, going to grab the spoon when Erwin jerked it away, intent clear. Levi grunted and opened his mouth expectantly. The tip of the spoon touched his tongue, burst of flavor as he leaned forward, wrapping his lips around before pulling off with a pop. 

He smacked his mouth, and when he glanced up at Erwin’s face he could practically see waves of want coming off of him when their gazes connected. Levi felt a spark low in his belly, and like that he was sinking to his knees.

“Levi…” Erwin said, but made no move to stop him. “I’m cooking.”

He reached forward past Erwin and turned the stove off. It could wait.

He grabbed at the nearest stool from the counter, pushing Erwin back to sit on it, lowering him just enough. He flushed, pressing his palm to Erwin’s crotch and rubbing nice and slow. There was an exhale from above, and Levi couldn’t tell anymore if his heat was turning him on, or if he was so turned on it was jump starting his heat. 

The edges of his mind began to blur again, heart beating faster and faster. Without thinking, he parted his lips and leaned forward, an open mouthed kiss against the front of Erwin’s jeans. The denim tasted a shade shy of bitter, almost metallic, but when he breathed in he could smell, under all that, that dark, heady smell. He pressed his open mouth wide against the bulge, exhaling hot hair through the fabric before sliding his tongue up the fly, eyes connecting with Erwin’s. Electric. Kinetic.

“You should see yourself right now,” Erwin threaded fingers through Levi’s hair. “Such a slutty boy.”

Levi hummed, face creasing, one last lick before pulling Erwin out of his pants. No underwear. Of course not--not when it just wound up getting in the way. Levi wasn’t wearing any either, throbbing between his legs against the coarse material of his pants at the thought of taking someone into his mouth. Sucking Erwin’s cock. The thought was dizzying. Drool pooled under his tongue as he licked lightly at the tip, followed by a kiss, followed by Erwin’s fluttering sigh.

He probably wasn’t the best at this--it had, after all, only happened in his mind, something so dirty about it, taking someone in his mouth, it was kind of thrilling. Whatever he lacked in experience he tried to make up for in show--twirling tongue and kneading hands, his mouth all swollen and red. It really just turned into a handjob with Levi sucking at the tip, trying to take as much of Erwin in as he could (admittedly not much. The guy was hung, and Levi’s mouth was small.)

Erwin didn’t seem to mind, or if he did he was putting on a helluva show to reassure Levi--hips moving forward on their own and mouth dropped open, all sorts of breathy sounds falling out. The hand that was in Levi’s hair yanked his head back and Erwin came in hot streaks across his face. Levi’s eyes slammed shut, lips parting and tongue sticking out to taste. He realized distantly, about how he thought he’d never be someone to ever ( _fucking ever_ ) to have someone else’s bodily fluids anywhere even near his face.

Ever.

But there they were.

“Hold on,” Erwin said, the sound of rushing water punctuating his words. Levi jumped at the feel of a warm cloth wiping at his face. He scrunched his nose, realizing it was probably the fucking dish towel. He sighed, and Erwin, almost like he could hear Levi’s thoughts, said, “It’s clean, I promise.

Erwin tucked himself back in, and Levi rose to his feet only to get yanked in and kissed breathless.

“I can taste myself in your mouth,” Erwin muttered against his lips. “That’s so hot.”

Levi failed to see how, exactly, but he still felt his chest swell.

 

When Erwin went out for a run, Levi did the dishes in the sink and threw a load of towels into the laundry, vacuumed the study, dusted the ceiling fans and curtains. _Playing house, huh?_ he thought, an aftertaste of something bitter following it. 

He went through the house room by room, winding through doorways and poking into nooks, running his hands along the walls. As big and beautiful as this place was, as overflowing with warmth as it seemed, there were bare patches that, as Levi walked from room to room, made it feel like he was in some kind of dream. Huge blank spaces like the empty bookshelves in the study, the living room, not a single book or picture or odd end. The huge expanse of kitchen cabinets had the bare minimum of plates, just enough for two, and while the fridge was stocked the pantry was almost barren. Because this wasn't really his house, Levi thought as he wandered into the last guest room. This whole house was like a guest room--not really belonging to anyone. He thought about the medicine cabinet. He thought about a lot of things, the blank spaces in his thoughts that matched the shelves, huge gaps that needed to be filled.

"What're you doing in here?"

Levi glanced over his shoulder, looking at Erwin from where he stood near the window in the third bedroom, pristine and untouched and sweetly blue. “The sheets on your bed need to be burned. I’m sleeping in here tonight.”

He heard the bed creak, and when he turned Erwin had crashed back against the mattress. He made his way over, kneeling on the edge to push himself up over Erwin. “That wasn’t an invitation.”

Warm hands found Levi’s hips, centering him. “It’s my house. I don’t need an invitation.”

Point. Still. “You're sweating like a pig and now you're rolling all over the nice clean bed.”

“I’ll change the sheets in my room,” is all Erwin said. “I like it in there--it smells like us.”

Levi scowled. It probably did nothing to detract from the hot blush staining his face, judging by the way Erwin snorted. He grumbled. “We’ll just make it smell like that in here too, then.”

Erwin cocked an eyebrow. “That’ll just make me want the whole house to smell like us.”

Levi needed to change the fucking subject before his entire face exploded from the blood rushing to it. Erwin smelled like the outside, like sweat and cotton. It was intoxicating. 

“I wanna ask you something.”

Erwin hummed, pressing his nose along the side of Levi’s neck, his shoulder, as his hands slid up the back of Levi’s shirt.

He shivered, but kept focus. “Why do you do this?”

Erwin pulled back, expression unreadable, but his hands tightened at Levi’s lower back. 

“I’m not the first omega you’ve done this for,” Levi went on. “I know that much.”

White, too sure teeth. “Jealous?”

Levi’s shrugged. He hadn’t given that much thought, and didn’t plan to. If there was a secret kernel of jealousy somewhere inside of him, he wasn’t gonna go looking for it. “I did this because I had to. Most omegas who aren’t in some kind of committed relationship usually only do this because they have to.”

Erwin considered him for a moment, probably choosing his words carefully. “I _am_ in heat. It might not be the same as an omega heat, but I do go through the cycle in conjunction with the summer and winter solstice, just like you.”

“I’m not an idiot, I know that,” Levi crossed his arms. “But that’s not the reason.”

“Well,” Erwin dropped his gaze, thumbs slotting against Levi's hipbones. “I like making people feel safe. I like taking care of someone. There’s sex, yes, but I also...I just like knowing I’m giving someone a safe mating experience, I guess.”

Levi raised both eyebrows. “You guess?”

“And I like when,” Erwin’s voice softened with admittance, “people need me.”

Levi’s hand came up, cupping Erwin’s face between them. The pads of his thumbs stroked the peaks of his cheekbones. High and sharp. Erwin smelled like soap, skin still soft and pink from his shower, hair ungelled and curling as it dried.

“People don’t just need you,” Levi said. “They want you, too.”

 _I want you,_ was what he was really saying.

And Erwin must’ve heard it, because he's probably a mind reader, and he leaned in for a kiss. Softly at first, then he slowly devoured Levi whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo i am sorry this is going up late--this chapter got rewritten like 3 times ://
> 
> if you'd like to come yell at me for my poor time management, please drop by chillnaxin.tumblr.com
> 
> the next update WILL be Monday. I promise. More sex! More feelings! And our week at Erwin's comes to a close...
> 
> (also, it's Thanksgiving for my American readers. Uh. Please feel free to hide in the corner at your family gathering a read this smut instead of answering the invasive personal questions of your relatives)


	4. Chapter 4

It was so easy, to pretend like this.

The casual intimacy of brushing their teeth together. Of slipping between sheets together. Of Erwin cooking for him in the gentle sun that poured in from the skylights overhead in the mornings and evenings. Of long hours spent taking walks around the woods with Erwin holding his hand and showing him views of the valley. Lazy afternoons sprawled out in the living room, when Levi would listen to the radio as Erwin read on his tablet, and it was so easy to forget how temporary it all way. How Levi would be leaving in a matter of days, and certain thoughts would itch at him as Erwin patiently showed him how to play solitaire on his iPad.

And the sex.

That was probably the easiest thing of all.

“Shit,” Levi threw his head back against the pillows, his wrists tugging uselessly at the fabric cuffs tethered to the headboard. _“Shit.”_

The thrum of the vibrator hit some part of him, some frequency of his, that nothing had ever reached. Even Erwin, who’d reached so deep inside of Levi, who’d extracted things that’d laid so dormant for so long, couldn’t sing in Levi’s nerve endings the way this fucking hunk of plastic and batteries could. He panted, wondering why the hell he’d agreed to this, but the fact of the matter was that when the haze took over? All Levi’s inhibitions flew out the damn window.

“I told you,” Erwin pulled the toy out, then in again with the turn of his wrist. The ridges along the shaft felt so--felt _so_ \--

The vibration was turned up a notch, and Levi’s hips jumped up off the bed as his cock twitched against his stomach, come from his first two orgasms pooled between the crevices of his clenched abs. He inhaled sharply, and one long sigh later he realized Erwin stopped fucking him with the vibrator and hard reached into the open crate for something else. (He’d called in the treasure chest as a joke, and Levi had almost socked him square in the jaw).

“What in the hell,” Levi stared, panting, “is that thing?”

Erwin turned this giant fucking thing over in his hands, head a sphere with a long body that made it look like some kind of big microphone, like he was admiring it fondly. “It’s a Hitachi magic wand.”

“There’s no way that’s gonna fit in me, you sadist.”

“It’s not meant to,” Erwin said simply, turning it on, smiling at the deep buzzing sound in emitted. “I’ll show you.”

Levi held his breath, watching as Erwin brought the wand down slowly and ever so gently brushed it against the underside of Levi’s cock. His eyes slammed shut, hips bucking up to find that friction again.

“These things were marketed at back massagers, originally,” Erwin droned on, teasing his inner thigh too lightly, too slowly. Levi grit his teeth. “But it’s clear what they were truly meant for.”

Levi’s chest heaved. “I’m gonna--I’m gonna--”

The vibrator inside of him was turned up, twisted, and Levi was coming hard in long ropes across his chest.

“Can you give me another?” Erwin asked, not letting up either either toy. “Can you come for me again?”

Levi couldn’t even answer--he wasn’t sure what he would’ve said anyway--because Erwin was fucking him so good with that goddamn silicone vibe, relentlessly, whole the wand was up against the tip of his cock. And Levi...Levi was just being torn apart at the seams. He could feel tears prickle the corners of his eyes, spilling back into his hairline as he gasped, open mouthed, probably drooling as he came again.

“Mmm, beautiful,” Erwin sighed over him, and in contrast to his softness he clicked the vibe up one last notch, the wand as well, and Levi screamed. “One more, yeah?”

“I _can’t,”_ he heaved, simultaneously trying to give in and pull back at once. Multiple orgasms were common during heat, but so many, one after the other, forced out of him? Christ, he couldn’t even see straight.

“The omega body can do some incredible things,” Erwin said, voice too level, like he was talking about the goddamn weather. “I bet you could.”

“You fucking--” Levi was cut off by his own moan, legs kicking helplessly against the sheets. Erwin pounded the vibrator into him, flicking his wrist while keeping his other hand moving slow and steady down his shaft, his balls, just under them. 

Erwin leaned down, and intoned. “I wanna make you come dry.”

And to Levi’s utter disbelief his hips started jerking up, giving in, because even though it was too much, even though it almost hurt, it was still so fucking good he couldn’t stop himself.

His entire body shook, and his gasp was soundless, and he was coming, he was definitely coming, but he was tapped, cock jerking and throbbing against his belly before his entire body went slack.

Erwin teased another two (or was it three?) out of him before easing the vibrator out of him with a long, wet squelch. Levi passed out within seconds.

 

They napped. Levi could not fucking remember the last time he’d taken a mid-day nap. Probably never, if he really thought about it, yawning as he sat up, noting the pink in the sky. His mouth tasted rancid, and he could feel the pull of dried jizz on his stomach and chest. Erwin mumbled something next to him, curled on his side facing Levi, fully clothed and not a hair out of place. 

Levi scowled, because _of course._ Erwin hadn’t been the one coming his damn brains out at the hand of a demonic, vibrator wielding menace.

He stared for a beat, the stark contrast between their bodies in Erwin’s bed, then brought his knees up to his chest. He thought about his own bed. His own apartment. His own life. 

A groggy, croaked, “Time issit?”

“Almost seven,” Levi answered, his own voice rough. “I’m gonna shower.”

Erwin moved, maybe to try and get up, but he failed miserably, settling for reaching blindly. “Lemme come with you.”

“Not a chance,” Levi swung his legs over the side of the bed. He paused, and before he could over think it reached over and ruffled Erwin’s hair. “Go make me something to eat, I’m starving.”

Erwin rolled onto his back, grinning blearily up at him. “I know what I’m hungry for.”

Levi blushed, dark and heavy, before stalking into the master bath and slamming the door shut behind him, so there was no chance of Erwin seeing him grin like an idiot.

 

“What,” Levi blinked at the TV, “in the hell is this?”

After showering, he’d found Erwin curled up in the den, in soft looking pajamas and a huge plate of chicken and rice waiting for Levi as the television flickered a wash of light blue against the far wall. He’d cozied up on the couch, and as the commercial break ended, Levi was assaulted with shrill voices and dramatic background music.

Erwin stared. “You can’t be serious.”

Levi bristled. “Of course I am.”

“It’s,” Erwin flapped a hand at the TV, _“Keeping Up with the Kardashians.”_

“Am I supposed to know what that is?”

“They’re literally everywhere.”

Levi turned his eyes back to the screen. “I have no clue who they are. Or why they’re screaming. Did someone die? That’s the only justification for this wailing.”

“No, see, Khloe’s upset with Kim because Kim’s been putting her career before her family a lot recently. And Kourtney’s upset because Scott’s been out partying a lot. And Kris has been slipping male enhancement drugs into Bruce’s coffee, but her son Rob accidentally drank it so now he has to go to the hospital.”

Levi stared. “You’ve gotta be kidding me--you actually watch this shit?”

Erwin ducked his head. “We could change the channel.”

Levi exhaled through his nose, reached for his plate of food, and didn’t say another word. If Erwin wanted to watch some trash TV, Levi could suck it up.

It didn’t matter, in the end, because after Levi finished eating they just wound up making out. In the few days they’d spent together, he learned Erwin really liked kissing. He’d pin Levi down and kiss him for hours, until their faces went half numb, lips swollen, Levi so worked up he felt like he’d burst out of his skin. The full weight of Erwin pressing down on him, or hauling Levi up to sit in his lap, and eventually the closeness, the warmth, the sound of tiny gasps and grunts and smacking lips, would flip the heat switch. And suddenly Levi would be a writhing mess trying to grind against Erwin’s goddamn thigh.

But not even the heat could make him ignore the screeching coming from the television.

Just as Erwin started sucking a mark into his neck, Levi shoved him back by the face. “I’m not having sex with you while this show plays in the background.”

“Ignore it,” Erwin murmured, thumb brushing against the spot he’d been mouthing at, admiring his handiwork. 

Levi didn’t do it a lot--use his full strength on unsuspecting, sometimes well-meaning fools. But he drew the line at getting boned while listening to Kim whatserface ugly cry in heaving gibberish in the background. He drew his legs up and pushed his feet right against Erwin’s solar plexus, kicking him off with one push.

Erwin hit the floor like a sack of bricks, blinking wide eyed up at the ceiling as Levi reached for the remote. The TV blinked black, and Levi sunk down over Erwin, straddling his hips. 

He leaned down, inches away from Erwin’s face, and said, “Keep going.”

When Erwin laughed, he laughed with his entire body. It was kind of incredible. Erwin was kind of incredible.

 

Everyone warned him--everyone online, fucking Janice form the agency, and even his doctor--that heat week fostered an incredible and intense intimacy between Alphas and omegas. Their history together definitely didn’t exactly help, either. Levi hadn’t been able to forget about Erwin all these years, when all they’d been was...shit, they hadn’t been anything but background noise in each other’s lives. Now Erwin was next to him almost every minute of the day, rambling on about stucco and stone masonry and weird shit that Levi fucking hung onto every word of. 

This thing was dangerous, with the potential of nuclear bomb, seated so deeply in Levi’s chest it felt like it’d transcended past this blood and bones, straight into his soul. Was this what it normally felt like, to be intimate with someone? To mate with someone? Levi had nothing to gauge it with, and all he could do was let Erwin take him in every sense of the word, and hope for the goddamn best.

Which was only getting harder, because every brush of Erwin’s hands on his skin, every word he breathed against his lips, ever dimpled half-smile he flashed--it all set Levi on fire, and hammered home the one realization Levi'd had that first day sitting on the porch steps with Erwin kneeling in front of him:

That this was a mistake. A huge, colossal, metric fuckton of a mistake that Levi was sinking deeper and deeper into. One he couldn’t fight his way out of even if he tried.

And he wasn’t trying.

“What if I made you come just like this,” Erwin whispered right against his ear. “What if I made you mess up your pants--get ‘em all dirty.”

Levi tried his best to get his breathing under control, but it all came out in heavy, wet sounding pants curled by lilted moans. They’d been messing around, shoving each other back in the kitchen, and it somehow ended up with both of them fully clothed, dry humping on the hardwood floor. He pushed his pelvis up off the ground, trying to rub against Erwin. He could feel that telltale dampness between his legs, wet and hard just from rolling around on the dirty ass fucking floor.

“I think,” Erwin rolled his hips down, jean clad bulges sliding perfectly against each other. “You like getting a little dirty. I think it’s so embarrassing for you it turns you on.”

“You--no,” Levi protested. It sounded meek even to his own ears. 

“Can I do something else, then?” Erwin asked. “Or do you want to stop?”

Levi huffed, feeling his hair stick to his sweaty forehead. 

Hands slid back around, over his ass, Erwin’s fingers between his legs from the back, grabbing and lifting, sudden enough to force a surprised sound out of Levi’s throat.

Threads of silky blond hair dangled artfully in front of Erwin’s face, the lighting catching him in a halo-like glow that made Levi’s heart skip a beat. Erwin breathed, “Can I eat you out?”

He stared, then shuddered from head to toe while making the most pitiful, pleading sound.

Levi’s hips were yanked up into the hair, all the weight falling on his shoulders with his legs suspended over him as Erwin spread him open and licked him until his shook and begged, coming without anything inside him, without his dick ever being touched. It was frictionless, desperate, almost empty, but his entire body spasmed with it.

Erwin lowered him down onto the floor, gently. So gentle, like Levi could break, like Levi hadn’t spent his whole life proving just how unbreakable he was.

 

One of the things that nagged at him wasn’t the fact that every time they had sex? It was all about Levi. Almost only about Levi.

Maybe it was just that Erwin really took the whole caring heat mate thing very seriously--he was definitely the type to, made it clear that it was his priority with almost everything he said and did. He still wouldn’t let Levi cook, and begrudgingly let him clean only because Levi clearly loved it. Maybe he was just, beyond being an Alpha, a dominant person who wholly enjoyed toying and teasing and taking apart his partner. (Levi wondered how many others Erwin had made feel this way. If they all felt the safest they’d ever been while simultaneously feeling like they were drowning.)

He couldn’t help but feel it was bigger than that. Quieter than that. This soft spoken need to just...act like he didn’t need, making Levi come six ways ‘til Sunday, sometimes without even taking himself out of his pants.

“What?” Levi liked to leer. “Can’t get it up?”

But Erwin never really took his bait. And besides that one clandestine blowjob in the kitchen, Erwin didn’t really let Levi take opportunities to give anything back. 

There was one thing, though, that he really wanted. And Levi, at a loss for what else to give Erwin, just gave in.

“Bathing with other people,” Levi said slowly, “defeats the purpose of bathing.”

“It’s sexy.”

“I don’t see how. At all.”

For the record, Levi still didn’t think this was a suitable way to get clean. He also didn’t think it was all that sexy--wet bodies pressed together felt kind of rubbery, and maneuvering themselves into the tub wound up in some serious slippage, sending water out over the side of the tub. But Erwin’s booming laugh echoing in the small tiled space, resting back against this huge chest in hot water, and having those fingers play with his hair was...nice. He’d admit it was nice.

“Can I ask you something?”

Levi made a face, his eyes still shut. “Hm.”

“Can I ask why you like being clean so much?”

“Are there people who like being dirty?”

“That’s not really an answer.”

Levi swallowed, debating, then, “I grew up in shitty places with shitty people. And now that I have complete agency over myself and my surroundings I like being as clean as fucking possible. For example, once we’re done, I’m showering on my own because I’m literally just sitting in human soup right now.”

There was a hum, the trickle of water as Erwin raised his arms up and secured them around Levi’s shoulders. His arms were surprisingly hair. Dark blond. Levi rubbed his hands down them. He felt the press of lips at the nape of his neck. Six days of constant, downright filthy sex and shit like chaste kisses still gave Levi the shivers.

“How did you feel about me,” Erwin asked, “when we met?”

Levi squinted at the faucet. “Why the hell do you wanna know that?”

He could feel Erwin shrug. “Just curious.”

 _People like you are never just curious,_ Levi thought. There was always a reason.

“I hated you,” Levi pressed his foot up against the shiny metal. “You really need me to tell you that?”

“Believe it or not, you’re pretty hard to read. Even back then.”

Levi felt himself practically preen at that. Stumping someone like Erwin Smith wasn’t easy.

“You didn’t like me?” Erwin’s arms tightened around his waist. “Not even at all?”

“What, you want me to boost your ego by saying you were my hero?” Levi sat forward. He felt overheated, all of the sudden. “You weren’t. You were a nuisance and I tried to avoid you.”

“Avoid me by skulking around all the areas you knew I patrolled?”

Levi snapped his head around, and immediately regretted it, staring at Erwin’s face, so void of any emotion Levi couldn’t even begin to guess what he was thinking. He stood, water whooshing around him as he stepped out and grabbed for the towel on the sink. “Trying to retroactively prove that some kid wanted to fuck you really doesn’t prove anything. I was seventeen--I would’ve fucked anything that moved.”

“Obviously not, considering you were a virgin until 6 days ago.”

Levi was sure his glare was nothing short of scathing, Erwin actually shrinking back in the tub. He turned on his heel, snatching the towel off of the counter before storming out out the bathroom, the bedroom, down the hall and into the guest bathroom. He slammed the door, hard enough to make the house rattle in protest.

 

Erwin found him later that night, folding his clothes and stacking them inside the duffle open on his bed. He stood in the doorway with his arms folded, watching for a moment.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

Levi threw his socks in, not turning to look back. “You don’t even know what you’re sorry about.”

There were footsteps, and when Levi finally look up Erwin swooped down and pressed their mouths together. Levi kept his mouth clamped shut, refused to kiss back, and when Erwin pulled away, he looked just shy of outright wounded.

“What is this?” Levi whispered.

Erwin’s forehead creased. “What?”

“I’m leaving tomorrow,” Levi stepped away. “So is that...it? Is this it? ‘Cause I wanna know.”

“I--Levi,” Erwin, a monument of a man who towered over most, who’s voice boomed and eyes held a constant air of dignity, suddenly looked small against the backdrop of his yellow guest room. For the first time, he dropped Levi’s gaze, looking away. And really, that was all the answer Levi needed.

Levi steeled himself, eyes slipping shut just long enough to regain his composure. “I get it, okay? I get it.”

“Do you?” Erwin’s voice carried the lilt of a humorless laugh. “I know how a first heat can be--it makes you think things. It makes you think you feel things when it’s just...your hormones and your first time experiencing this kind of thing and--”

“Stop acting like I’m still a kid,” Levi’s fists clenched. “Or do you get off on that kind of thing?”

It was like watching a bomb go off, only completely silent. The floorboards creaked under Erwin’s weight as he stepped to the side, looking unsure of what to do with his huge body, and he finally settled for rubbing a hand down his face, staring out the window blankly. “I should’ve never done this.”

 _A little fucking late for that, isn’t it?_ Levi thought. He glared, standing his ground. “Then why did you?!”

Erwin stood at his full height, towering over Levi. “Because I’m clearly an idiot, alright? Is that what you want to hear? You seem to have this idea in your head that I know what I’m doing, but I--”

Levi snapped upright, teeth clacking and his jaw snapped shut.

Erwin’s nostrils flared. “Are you turned on right now?”

A shiver ran down Levi’s spin, and his eyes closed, teeth grit and voice thin. “This stupid fucking heat cycle.”

Erwin pulled him into a crushing kiss, one Levi couldn’t do anything but return.

 

Levi lost track of how many time they fucked that night. He lost track of his thoughts, of himself, and just let Erwin consume every last fiber of him on every fucking surface of that house. 

He took Levi from behind on the deck as the sun set, on the acrylic pillows of the wicker couch that smelled like stale smoke from the fire pit in the backyard--now, additionally, their sweat and Levi’s come. He tried to bit down into it, because when he made any kind of sound it echoed out over the mountains, but Erwin yanked his head back by the hair, biting Levi’s ear, skin slapping skin, breath heavy and hot against the side of Levi’s face.

“You love just _taking it,_ don’t you?”

A hand slid around to the front of his throat, almost cool on Levi’s flushed skin, and Erwin used it to bring Levi up, other hand steady on his hip as Erwin pounded into him. Those strong fingers around his neck, Erwin’s hand was so big he could almost close it around Levi’s throat entirely. _He could kill you,_ Levi thought. _He could close his hand and suffocate you right now._

But Erwin just held him there, other hand reaching around to wrap around Levi’s dick and pump him to a hard, ragged orgasm, and when Levi moaned Erwin’s name it echoed so loudly birds burst from the canopy of trees and flew off every which way.

 

Moments later, after Erwin had pulled out, Levi felt a thumb press against his hole. He hissed, sore, but didn’t move away, especially not after Erwin hummed. “Mmm, look at that.”

Levi was about to snap something about not being able to see a thing, obviously, when there was another thumb, dipping into him alongside the other, spreading him.

“So hot,” Erwin said, just above a whisper. “My come is dripping out of you.”

“I don’t need a running commentary,” Levi grunted. Still, he didn’t move, eyebrows creased in the middle and teeth sinking into his bottom lip.

“I can’t help it,” Erwin said. “It’s instinct, seeing my mate pumped full of my--”

“Don’t fucking say it like that,” Levi pushed himself up on shaking arms. 

Erwin watched him. “You want me to help you clean up?”

“No,” Levi yanked his pants up. “I don’t want anything from you.”

Facing away, he winced at his own words, but didn't take them back.

Erwin didn’t say anything for a beat, then, “Not even dinner?”

Levi stomach growled, almost as if on cue. There was shuffling behind him, Erwin standing and redoing his own pants, then a warm hand was against Levi’s lower back, urging him along. “Go change, and I’ll make us something.”

 

Dinner that night was quiet, but it wasn’t like those long hours Levi’d spent lounging around, hanging off of Erwin, just enjoying each other’s company. This felt forced. Awkward. And what made it worse was his heat was coming to some kind of peak. Halfway through steak and potatoes he started palming himself through his jeans under the table without even realizing at first.

Erwin watched all this happening as he ate, cutting up his food delicately, taking his time as Levi sat back and spread his legs directly across from him. Until it was too much, and he had to take his cock out, had to fuck his hand right there and then if Erwin wasn’t going to touch him.

“That’s pretty disgusting,” Erwin wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Touching yourself in the middle of dinner.”

Levi let out a rough _ha,_ head falling forward, maybe trying to hide his burning face. When he looked up against, Erwin leaned back with his arms folded.

It was disgusting. It was gross and unsanitary, and Levi knew that, but he couldn’t stop himself. Couldn’t stop himself from sighed, gasping, groaning as he presses his thumb against the tip. “E-Erwin, _please.”_

“What?”

Levi’s eyes opened, face burning. “Take me upstairs.”

Erwin caved, hiked Levi up over his shoulder, and carried him back to the bedroom.

 

Levi pretended to fall asleep right after, half hoping that it would trick his body into calming down, and the other half because he couldn’t stand to look at Erwin. Erwin, who kept absently carding a hand through Levi’s hair for what felt like hours, bedside lamp still on, probably staring at Levi with this big, round blue eyes.

 

When he sat up in bed the next morning, Levi no idea what time it was. It felt close to noon though, the sun outside already well into the sky. Erwin shifted next to him, awake. Levi stared at his own knees. “My car’s coming at two.”

He felt Erwin sit up. “I know.”

He’d had this ridiculous idea that he wasn’t going to let Erwin kiss him on the mouth. Some kind of last ditch effort to put distance between them. But the second Erwin’s hand came up and cupped his jaw, turning his head, eyes flickering down to ask for permission, Levi didn’t have it in him to pull away. He surged forward, kiss messy and wet and god, everything Levi wanted, hands clinging onto huge shoulders while Erwin’s settled on his waist.

They end up chest to chest,naked, Levi sitting on Erwin’s dick, their movements barely there, the silent understanding that this had to be slow. This had to last.

And he might not have had it in him to not kiss Erwin, but if this was really the end of the line, then there was no point in holding back. If Erwin was going to hold him like this, if Erwin was going to make love to him like this was something, like they were together, like it wasn’t all ending, then--

Levi was going to play dirty.

He raised his hips, clenching down, loving the pained creases on Erwin’s face, loving how their eyes never broke away. He inhaled sharply. “Levi--fuck, so good.”

Levi licked his own lips. “I love it. I love your cock.”

Hands held onto his hips, guiding him. “Do you? You love riding my cock?”

Levi could barely breathe, but he did manage, “What the fuck did I just say?”

“Say it again.” The world was spinning suddenly, and Erwin put Levi on his back. “Tell me how much you love it, how much you love getting fucked.”

He arched his back, whining. “I fucking love it--I love you holding me down and makin’ me take it, I love--nnng, shit. Fuck me, breed me--”

There was a low, strangled sound over him, and Erwin was coming inside him, hot and deep, Levi realized with a small thrill. He blinked, feeling something not quite right as he panted against the sheets, and when realization struck him it lit up his entire body. “Are you--”

“Fuck,” Erwin sounded broken. _“Fuck.”_

Erwin pinned him down and knotted him. Levi wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready for the intensity of it, wasn’t ready for the fullness, wasn’t ready the waves of absolute, unrepentant feeling. It swept through him and clench his chest and swoop through his gut, burn his eyes and numb his heart. He barely even realized Erwin had reached down to jerk him off, coming between them with his mouth gone slack and his eyes staring right into haunted blue ones.

 

They wound up scrambling in the end, not realizing the time, throwing clothes on as the heavy rap of knuckles hit the front door. They don’t have time to linger, to talk, or even really say good bye--Erwin did find a moment, however, to shove Levi’s arms full of leftovers in tupperware right before he pushed him out the door.

He watched from the porch as the driver helped Levi, the stacked containers of food and his duffle bag put into the trunk. Levi turned back only once, looking over his shoulder up at Erwin, standing on the top porch step, motionless, expressionless.

He flipped him off. Erwin cracked a half-smile, cheek dimpling, and had to look down at his feet.

When he did, Levi climbed into the car, and the driver shut the door for him.

 

The entire drive home, back into the city, Levi could feel him--the press of his mouth and the brand of his hands still holding onto his hips. He watched as trees turned into open fields that turned into houses that turned into buildings. He felt like he’d been away for years, and the second he got out of the car and the driver handed him his bag, it was like that entire week never even happened.

His apartment door shut behind him, empty and gray with the window curtains closed, air still and hot. He wanted to collapse, and it would’ve been so easy to.

Instead, he kicked his shoes off, dropped his bag, and went straight back into the bathroom to shower and wash away every last trace of everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so. i'm a dirty liar and this is a day late.
> 
> also, i described like 3 different episodes of keeping up with the kardashians and pretended it was one.
> 
> i am truly sorry. please come demand a personalized apology from me at chillnaxin.tumblr.com
> 
> next chapter, the last chapter, Levi tries to put his life back together with moderate success.


	5. Chapter 5

The first thing he did was go to Dr. Zoe’s office and get his Alt implant taken care of. Obviously. He wasn’t about to go through this shit a second time.

“You’ll feel a pinch, and some pressure…” she warned him. Levi didn’t flinch. “And we’re all done!”

He flexed. The end, he thought. This was some kind of ending, as anticlimactic as it felt, paper crinkling under his thighs as he shifted on the exam table. He’d woken up that morning in his own bedroom, confused as to where he was and why he was alone, reminder buzzing on his phone that his appointment was at noon, that his world had shifted back to his natural state. It was going to take a while to shake that, he knew, but as long as it could be shook. The implant was one step in that direction.

“How was your cycle?” she looked over her clipboard, pressing his glasses back up the bridge of her nose. “Any issues? Any concerns?”

Do you have the next five hours free? he didn’t ask. “No. It was fine.”

 

When he got back home, he had maybe an hour to himself before someone started banging down his door.

“So,” was the first thing Mikasa said to him through the opening . “You weren’t murdered.”

“Try not the look so disappointed,” Levi grunted, turning on his heel. He heard the door shut, the sound of shoes hitting the floor, and sock clad footsteps padding after him. He reached for the tea kettle, filling it, and when he finally set it on the stove and turned back to face her, she was staring at him. “What?”

Her eyes narrowed. “I thought you’d look different.”

He held his arms out and let the drop against his sides in a thwap. A clear _this is as good as it’s gonna get._

“Or at least more relaxed,” she sniffed, dropping her dirty ass bag on his clean counter. There was an awkward pause, staring each other down. She tilted her head. “So how was it?”

“Fine, obviously,” he look away, reaching for the cabinet.

“That’s it?”

“What?” Levi slammed the cups against the countertop. “You want details?”

She shrugged. It was another one of those moments--ones he’d been having with increasing frequency--where he realized he didn’t really know how to talk to people. He turned back to the stove.

“He was nice,” Levi finally said, voice thin. 

When he finally turned back around, Mikasa was on her phone, and he was about to snap at her when she turned the screen towards him and asked, “Wanna see a picture of Eren falling out his dorm window?”

Something taut in Levi’s chest snapped, and he stalked forward, grabbing. “That’s incredible.”

“Right? Swipe to the left--there’s a sequence.”

 

He froze most of the leftovers Erwin gave him, and it took him almost two months to actually finish them all--enough shepherd’s pie and eggplant parmesean to kill a man. Levi thought, scraping the last goop of rice and beans from the corner, that when they were finally done, he could throw out the containers along with the last trace of the fact that Erwin Smith had ever touched his life. The only thing left would be the shadows of his own memories, which he was more than happy to punch down whenever they reared their ugly heads. 

But Levi never was the kind of guy who could just throw out perfectly good tupperware.

What was worse than that, though, was that he keep accidentally tuning into the Kardashians screeching at each other. He knew almost all of them by name. He was heavily invested in the fate of Scott and Kourtney. His previously unused DVR was now half full of episodes. Much to Farlan’s delight, and much to Isabel’s absolute disdain. Whenever they came over to his place they’d power marathon through episodes.

In the strangest hour of his life, Levi supposed he was thankful he had bad reality television and good friends to get him through it.

 

Levi had always assumed that once he lost his virginity, he’d start having sex all the time. 

He didn’t know why it was so surprising that almost everyone, just like before, borderline repulsed him. And on the rare nights where Petra and Gunter would rope him into bar crawls downtown where everything smelled like sour beer and sweat, it just reaffirmed everything he’d ever felt about the 20-something hookup scene. He’d sigh in corners and drink watered down vodka tonics that barely even got him buzzed, have people eye him up and down through a haze of human body odor and smoke. Their greasy hair and pit stains would send Levi practically skipping out the front door.

There had been moments though. Other hybrids, other Alphas, who’d hone in on him like omega seeking missiles and pin him to brick walls and bar counters, trying to assert something over him--some kind of natural dominance that Levi could feel pressing down on every last nerve he had. Handsome, purposeful, sometimes decently clean. Imposing. Deliberately imposing, hovering over Levi.

And it’d be easy, wouldn’t it? It would be easy to go home with someone, to let the heat of their hands absolve all the places that someone else had touched, to let them pull everything from that week out of him and replace it with something new. Something temporary. Something just as good.

He let one guy kiss him, the Friday before Halloween, when the drinks were decently strong and he’d let Petra and Isabel slather his face in paint and velcro and cape around his neck in the name of being festive. It did something--the heavy feeling on his skin made it feel new. Different, maybe, standing in a crowd full of people wearing disguises. It felt like anything went, and that apparently meant clinging onto a tall, bearded pirate, making out in a booth at the back of the bar with the cracked vinyl seats squeaking under their weight.

He asked this guy, slurring just a bit, “So when you knot someone--what’s the deal?”

Alpha Pirate looked deliriously scandalized, smiling with all his teeth. “Well, it’s...a bit of a mental thing, y’know? I either have to want to, or it’s just too overwhelming not to.” He inched in closed. “Why, baby? You need someone to knot you?”

When they met in the middle, it felt like he was getting his mouth probed, and it tasted like those god awful bar onion rings. It wasn’t anything near to what Levi wanted (it wasn’t anything near _him_ ), and he pulled back and promptly ducked out of the box he’d been cornered into without a word, practically running out the exit. 

He went home alone, scrubbed the makeup off his face while his TV blared in the background, Kim crying about how her whole family was ganging up on her on their ski trip deep in the mountains. _Who the fuck skis?_ Levi thought, gargling Listerine long enough to make his mouth go numb.

 

He thought about Erwin more than he liked to.

Which is to say, he'd rather not think about Erwin at all. He thought about the lines around Erwin's eyes on line at the supermarket. About this fingers while at work, the slight bend of his left ring finger. _Broke it playing ball in high school,_ he'd explained when Levi had spent a good minute staring. About the fine dark blonde hair that peppered Erwin's entire body as Levi did laundry. About the pills in the medicine cabinet, the way his expression broke sometimes when he came, the hole in the bottom of his t-shirt Levi kept ripping bigger and bigger that entire week.

He thought about Erwin when he watched the shitty Kardashians, and when he bought a vibrator off of Amazon, and when he drank black tea, and when he woke up, and when he went to bed, and thousands of moments in between.

Levi stared up at his bedroom ceiling, arms outstretched. "This is gross," he said to no one.

The silence seemed to agree with him.

 

Levi didn’t know how, but he wound up getting roped into going to the Jaeger’s for Thanksgiving.

That was a lie. He knew exactly how--he’d made the mistake of telling Mikasa he was spending the day alone with most of his friends traveling home to be with their families. And she, being the goddamn traitor he’d always suspected her to be, sold him out him to Carla Jaeger who called him and insisted he come over. And when Carla Jaeger insisted, you couldn’t really say no, especially when you’re on your cellphone at work with a bunch of jacked construction guys watching you turn red.

Cut to two weeks later, him at the Jaeger’s door with a boxed pie and a bottle of Merlot, Carla Jaeger pulling him through the door and kissing both his cheeks before ushering him into the living room, which was full to bursting with people he didn’t know in thick knit sweaters, cheeks flushed, drinks in hand. 

He carefully folded himself into a corner when he realized he was sharing the space. He eyed Mikasa, arms folded over her chest. He snorted. “Nice dress--what 80 year old woman did you beat up for it?”

She slid a glance over his way. “Nice sweater vest, Mr. Rogers.”

He bit the inside of his cheek. They both looked like idiots.

She reached for something--a platter, and held it to him. “Shrimp cocktail?”

 

Guess what Levi didn’t fucking know?

How violently allergic he was to shellfish.

He ended up spending Thanksgiving in the ER, bags of ice on his face and a sniffling Carla Jaeger at his bedside, apologizing over and over even when he tries to say (with his balloon sized lips) that it was fine. He thought, almost giddily as the heavy duty antihistamines started to make his head woozy, that this could easily make a great episode of _Keeping Up with the Kardashians._

 

Dr. Zoe asked him to come in for blood work a week later, just to make sure everything was fine. Levi sat in the waiting room for an hour, and left with bruises all over his arm from an incompetent intern who couldn’t find a vein, and another scheduled appointment when the results came in a few days later.

“Was there a reason we couldn’t do this over the phone?” he grumbled as Dr. Zoe glided through the doorway, lab coat swishing behind her. She closed the door gently, slid the stood out from under the nearby counter and sat facing Levi, looking him square in the eye. Before she even opened her godforsaken mouth, he knew something was fucked. _He_ was fucked.

“Your blood work is fine,” she said, and he balked. “Everything’s as it should be for a young omega about to go into a heat cycle.”

Somewhere outside the exam room, a baby started crying.

Levi blinked slowly. “What?”

“Your body rejected the Alt injection,” Dr. Zoe adjusted her glasses. “They’re only 99.8% effective, and in very rare cases omega bodies will either absorb or outright reject Alt. Usually it only happens after the first injection--this is your third, which makes it all the more incredible.”

“You’ve got,” Levi swallowed, “to be kidding me.”

“I’m sorry,” Dr. Zoe sighed, hands in her lap. “Are the arrangements you made over the summer still viable?”

Levi’s face warmed, and he scrubbed a hand over it. “Why the hell is this happening?”

She regarded him for a moment, frowning like she was debating whether or not to say something. “Well. It’s possible that--and keep in mind researchers are completely divided on this, and nothing has been conclusively proven...but some studies have shown that an omega body, once it has recognized it’s...ideal procreative match? Some people call it a true mate. When it recognizes that in another hybrid, the body will override any sort of contraceptive efforts that try to suppress heat symptoms.”

Levi stared.

Dr. Zoe scrambled, hands waving. “Like I said--wholly inconclusive. Both Alt and omega studies have only existed for a few decades. Nowhere near enough time to really say one way or another. Also, the concept of a “true mate” is completely up for debate as well. In fact, several colleagues of mine have dedicated their careers to--”

“I don’t care,” Levi jumped down off the exam table, snatching up his coat. “I have somewhere I need to be.”

 

“Mr. Smith has been removed from our agency.”

And the hits…

Just kept on coming.

He felt his eye twitch, his fingers clenched into a fists itching to slam down on Janice’s pristine desk. “What do you mean _removed?”_

“Well,” Janice flittered nervously. The moment he stormed into her office all the color had drained from her face. It still wasn’t back. “Over the summer, he thanked us for our service, but said he unfortunately wouldn’t be able to be a, um, Alpha candidate any longer.”

Levi dragged a hand down his face. _“Why?”_

“We asked him if there was any particular problem, so we could rectify it with other applicants,” Janice explained. “But he would only say that it was personal.”

Levi could literally feel his world crumbling around him. There was nothing that could possibly make this situation worse.

Janice, though, never content to just let things be, offered an answer all the same. “Usually, when someone leaves the agency, it’s because they’ve found their mate.”

“I hate that word,” Levi snapped, baring his teeth. 

Janice didn’t just look taken aback, or scared--she looked upset, like he’d just personally attacked her. He guess he did, in a way. She clearly liked her job, believed in what she was doing, and genuinely tried her hardest to help him out. And in .2 seconds, with four words, he’d ripped into all of those things for no reason other than the fact that he could.

He looked away. “I’m sorry. I’m just upset.”

“O-oh,” she coughed. “That’s alright.”

“Don’t say something's alright,” he said, level as possible, “when it’s clearly not.”

She didn’t know what to do with that.

“I’m walking out of this office in two minutes,” Levi pointed at the door. “And you’ll never hear from me again. If there’s anything you want to say to me, you should do it now.”

Janice finally had color back in her face--a deep, flushed red. He could see she was starting to sweat. “Well...you can be a little abrasive.”

“I’m a nasty piece of shit,” he waved her on. “Keep going.”

“You’re not very nice, and-and,” she pointed. “You’re demanding! When you have no right to be!”

“Very true. What else?”

“I gave my all trying to help you and all you did was glare at me and act like I was the bane of your existence,” she stood, slamming her hands on the desk. “You were rude and taciturn and so incredibly unhelpful when all I was trying to do was give you the safest, nicest mating experience possible!”

“You did,” Levi tilted his head. “It was perfect.”

 _“And,”_ she was breathing heavy now, her tight bun starting to come undone with tendrils of brown hair slipping out around her face. “You never filled out _the customer survey.”_

Sheesh. That had clearly been eating at her. He leaned forward. “You have a hard copy of it that I could fill out?”

“I--” she blinked, eyes wide. “Yes.”

“I’ll do it now, then,” he reached for her festive snowman pencil cup, pulling out a pen. 

He gave his overall experience five out of five stars. Janice actually did start crying, and he wished her a happy holiday before walking out of her office.

 

So he was fucked. Not literally, of course, which was exactly the problem--but figuratively speaking, Levi was thoroughly fucked.

He knew where Erwin lived--at least, where his summer house was. If that was the only problem, Levi would consider just...driving out there and knocking down the front door. It’d be embarrassing, and he’d be in a very vulnerable position, but he’d rather be in a secure place where he knew he’d be taken care of than attempting to lock himself in his apartment.

But the word mate kept rebounding in his head, over and over again, an eternally broken record. Erwin left the agency because he’d found a mate. 

_What in the hell does that even mean?_ Levi whipped his coat out of the closet. Mate. He could fucking gag.

He hit and street and wandered aimlessly, wondering when his heat would come. Probably sometime early tomorrow morning, when he least expected it. He sighed, scuffing his shoes, and when he looked up he realized he’d walked from his downtown apartment all the way up Main Street to the plaza smack dab in the middle of the west side.

Normally the plaza’s Christmas tree was an abomination of tourist filth--litter, half eaten food, dropped hot coco, everyone leaking mucus--none of which was worth staring up at a giant ass tree wrapped in lights for 30 seconds, getting smacked by wandering selfie sticks and almost trampled by hordes of screaming high schoolers who liked to gawk at Levi’s height and run away cackling.

But as the sense of impending doom settled over him, he couldn’t force himself to turn on his heel and walk back. _Stupid,_ he thought, this entire fucking thing--so stupid. He was so stupid, for not getting the Alt injection in time, for going to that agency, for falling in love with the one person who--

He inhaled deeply through his nose, cold air burning his lungs, eyes closing for a fraction of a moment. 

The square was mostly deserted, the street venders all packing up for the night with just a few stragglers tacked in corners, wrapped up in one another. He heard one of them say, _hey, it’s snowing!_ and just as that echoed, gentle white flakes drifted into Levi’s field of vision. His breath hitched in time to the clench of his chest, the tree casting a glow against the cobblestone plaza, the hanging wreaths plied with ornaments. The crackle of the loudspeaker crooned out one last round of Frank Sinatra for the night.

_“Have yourself...a merry little Christmas…”_

“Levi?”

His entire body snapped back, and through a veil of delicate snow, the multicolored glow of the tree lights, Erwin stood at the edge of the plaza, wrapped up in winter clothes, eyes shining. Levi’s throat closed, pulse skyrocketing. He looked like someone shook him out of a the J Crew holiday catalog, pressed slacks and buttoned peacoat, what was probably an authentic Burberry scarf around his neck, dotted with white flakes. 

That asshole.

_“Let your heart be light…”_

“Levi, hello,” a smile broke out over his face as he moved forward, cheek dimpling. “I--hello.”

“Hi,” Levi managed, heart racing, shoved his hands into his jacket pockets. “The hell’re you doing here?”

“There’s an old warehouse I’m--my company--is renovating into a loft. A couple blocks from here, actually,” Erwin said, jerking a thumb over his shoulder. His eyes settled back on Levi, soft around the edges with those fine lines Levi knew were there. Had traced with his fingertips, his lips. Those fine lines he realized he missed. “How are you?”

Levi opened his mouth, meaning to say something along the lines of fine, but nothing came out. It refused, the word trapped in his too dry throat, and no matter how many times he swallowed it just closed tighter and tighter, sweat breaking out along his hairline, entire body throbbing.

Erwin stepped closer slowly, head tilted. “Are you okay?”

 _No,_ he wanted to scream. The only thing he could manage was a pressed laugh, his mind fogging up and his ribs squeezed, because he knew what was happening. Because it happened once before. Six months ago. 

Whatever Erwin was holding in his hand dropped to the ground, loafers clacking quickly against the cobblestone until they stepped on Levi’s shadow. His entire body shivered, Erwin’s smell--that goddamn smell--flooding his lungs, his sense, to the point where it was painful. 

Erwin leaned in, eyes narrowed and dark, hand moving to maybe touch Levi, but hovering halfway like he wasn’t sure. He asked in a quiet, hoarse voice, “Are you in heat?”

His hand shot out, gripping onto the front of Erwin’s jacket as Levi bowed his head. There was no air in his body, his blood had evaporated, and the only thing inside of him was that heat. That fucking heat, god it was like he was being burned alive from the inside out.

Arms suddenly wound around Levi, crushing him against Erwin’s front, huge hand cradling the back of his head.

“Can you make it a few blocks?” Erwin asked. “Can you do that for me?”

Levi ground his teeth, every inch of him wanting to scream, but the last flicker of clarity in his head told him firmly he had to. And more than than he had to, he wanted to. He really fucking wanted to. He gripped tighter, and when Erwin started to move, Levi ground out. “No.”

Erwin’s face was indescribable. At a loss, maybe, for what to do or say. It didn’t look right on him.

“My place,” Levi breathed, face hot. “Let’s go to mine.”

 

Levi’s apartment was nothing like Erwin’s house. A small downtown one-bedroom, clean, open, neutral. It had none of the charm a huge renovated victorian mansion did, but it was simple, and it was the first place Levi rented with honest money. As plain and small as it was, he took pride in keeping it a certain way. When they tumbled through the door, (Levi struggling with his keys as Erwin stooped down and mouthed at the back of his neck), he heard the barest huff of a laugh. Erwin probably wanted to make some asinine comment about how the place was _so Levi_ , but Levi wasn’t having it. He yanked Erwin down by the $500 ugly ass scarf and kissed him, door falling shut behind them as he was slammed up against the wall.

“What the hell were you thinking,” Erwin managed, “going out like this?”

“Shut up,” Levi said, ripping it off. “Shut up.”

“What if another Alpha found you--or-or--shit,” Erwin wrestled off Levi’s jacket. “You’re so reckless. You’ve always been so reckless.”

Levi shot back, “You’ve always been annoying as all hell.”

“I’ve missed you,” Erwin said, hard voice crumbling as he cupped the side of Levi’s face with his hand, pressing their foreheads together. And again, “I’ve missed you.”

They shed layers of winter clothing on the way back to Levi’s bedroom, and he felt like he was being peeled out of a thick skin he’d spent the past six months stuck inside.

 

Erwin wouldn’t stop kissing him. Deep, long kisses as they melted into the mattress, Erwin’s knees trapping in Levi’s legs, sucking on Levi’s tongue, keeping Levi in place until he shook. Until he couldn’t take it any more.

“I want you,” Erwin said, “I want to have you so badly--”

Levi flipped them, Erwin sprawled out on his back against the mattress with his hair falling out of his face, the light from his balcony light spilling in from the open windows and catching on his temple, the peak of his cheekbone, the slope of his jaw. Levi traced it with a trembling hand, before sliding it back.

“You’re taking too long,” he managed to huff, reaching behind him and gripping Erwin’s cock, pressing it against himself. He grunted at the pressure, his hole slick and leaking from the heat, from being kissed and teased senseless. “You always,” Levi’s breath hitched, sinking down, “take too long.”

“Mmm,” Erwin groaned, hips bucking up. “And you just love to take it.”

Levi let out a shuddering sigh, eyebrows knit. “Shut the fuck up.”

“You told me yourself,” Erwin thumbed at the dips of Levi’s hipbones. “How much you loved taking it. You begged for my cock like a bitch in heat--”

Levi rocked forward, his hands falling back to brace against Erwin’s thighs, and all of Erwin’s taunts died on his lips with a flutter of breath. Levi peered down his nose as he started really moving, fucking himself on Erwin’s dick until his thighs trembled, filling himself as his own cock slapped against his stomach. 

His composure broke, his head thrown back as Erwin’s hands started to guide him, bouncing hard enough the headboard started thumping against the wall.

“Fuck,” Erwin held hard enough to bruise. “I almost forgot how good it feels to be inside you.”

That was all it took, and Levi fell forward, coming hard in a long whine he wanted to hold back, but just couldn’t. Not when Erwin kept him moving, kept pounding up into him. _“Erwin.”_

He kept moving, bowing his back and moving his hips in slow, deliberate circles, sensitive cock caught between their stomachs as he rolled back and forth, eyes never leaving Erwin’s face as it broke, mouth slack and eyes slamming shut. Levi could feel him coming inside of him, could feel his body almost burst, satiated to the fullest extent.

They breathed heavy for a few moments, Levis arms giving out. He collapsed onto Erwin’s chest, hands curled into dark blond chest hair, pressing his face into sweaty skin to hide the breathless smile itching at the corners of his mouth.

“That was,” Erwin gulped, “that was _good.”_

Levi hummed, kissing softly, randomly, tasting that salt.

He was being rolled over, suddenly, Erwin grinning that half grin down at him as he asked, “Wanna go again?”

 

They actually slept through most of the night, but Levi felt a burn in his gut that still woke him up before the sun was barely in the sky. Scratchy stubble kisses brought him to full consciousness, a thumb pressing slickly inside of him, a body on top of him, Levi on his belly spread wide as Erwin thrust in and out, so slow, so careful.

They didn’t say a word. Everything from the morning sun to the still air was quiet. Even when they came, it was soft gasping with barely there broken moans, sighed out from parted lips that eventually found one another in long, messy kiss. 

Erwin pulled out, and it took Levi a moment to realize he’d gotten up and left the room. He panted, chest heaving, sprawled out alone on the half cool mattress. The heat made him ache for contact, to be held down and knotted and kept. Inwardly he scrambled, eyes shutting as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat. 

Minutes later, soft footsteps padded back into the room, Erwin standing over him with tiny, steaming cups. “Tea?”

“You better not’ve made a mess in my kitchen,” Levi sat up and accepted.

“Trust me,” Erwin said, like Levi could, “I know better.”

They sipped tea quietly for a few minutes, Levi slowly coming to life, enough to feel the pinch between his shoulders, the deep ache inside of him, the twinges of bruises on his hips, along his shoulders. Erwin, despite lowkey radiating with angelic light, didn’t look like he was faring much better. He saw the scratch marks across his back when Erwin walked out of the room.

“I like your place,” Erwin finally said. “It’s very you.”

Levi didn’t even glance up. “Thanks.”

“Smells just like you,” Erwin noted. “Very clean.”

“You’re just happy it only smells like me,” Levi said, unthinkingly, then realized it betrayed what was obvious--there hadn’t been anyone else in his room, in his bed, in him. He scowled, hating the tug his gut gave as Erwin’s eyes said that yes, that’s exactly why he was so happy. Levi looked away, staring at his reflection in the surface of his tea, transparent and tinted warm.

A beat, then, “Why didn’t you call me? You could’ve called me.”

“I only have the number for the house,” Levi crossed his legs. “Didn’t know if you’d moved or not.”

“I...haven’t sold it,” Erwin rubbed at the back of his neck. “I don’t really live there, though. But if you told me that you weren’t using a suppressive, and that you needed me--”

“I did use a suppressive. I got it right after I got home.” Levi sighed, scooting closer on the bed, “But my body rejected the Alt implant.”

Erwin balked. “Is...that a thing that happens?”

“Not really,” Levi rolled his neck, feeling in tinge with sore spots. “I’m an anomaly apparently.”

“I always said you were one of a kind.”

Levi couldn’t help it--he laughed. Erwin’s hand reached out, and large fingers rubbed at the undercut side of Levi’s hair. He tried not to hum at the touch. 

“And it wasn’t like I could get in touch through the agency,” Levi said, pointed. “Because apparently you left.”

Erwin’s hand paused, before starting again. “I did. Yes.”

“So besides calling the place you don’t really live, hoping by some miracle you’d get my message,” Levi pushed his hand away, shifting to face Erwin on the bed, “I didn’t have a whole lot of options.”

“You could’ve found another heat mate,” Erwin said, too forward, too simple. Just enough rope for Levi to hang himself with, and admit what they probably both knew. When it was clear Levi wasn’t going to say a word. “If I’d known, you know I would’ve come.”

Levi’s cut a glare through him. “I don’t know shit about you.”

Erwin’s eyes were wide, glassy. “You know me better than anyone.”

Levi stared. “Well, that’s just sad, isn’t it?”

The tick and hiss of the heater coming filled the room, and Erwin turned to face him fully on the bed, a giant warm hand settling on Levi’s knee through the sheet. What was sad was that Levi felt the exact same.

He placed his cup down on his nightstand, pausing, then, “Why’d you leave the agency?”

He could barely see Erwin out of the corner of his eye, looking down at his hands instead of at Levi. His pulse spiked. “They said it was because you probably found a mate.”

When Erin said nothing, Levi whipped his head around to stare, just in time to catch that asshole smiling, still refusing to look at him.

“I did,” Erwin finally lifted his head, turning it. “I did find someone.”

Levi, throughout the course of his life, became amazing at compartmentalizing things. That’s what his therapist told him it was--compartmentalization. He didn’t let things impact him, even the things he should let himself feel. This would just be another thing added to the list. Certainly not the worst, and probably not the last. Somehow, though he had the feeling this would be harder to shove down than the rest. Somehow.

That hand was back, this time pushing the hair out of Levi’s face as Erwin said with that conviction he had down so well. “It’s you, Levi.”

Levi smacked Erwin away, rearing back, eyes wild and teeth bared.

Erwin blinked. “You’re mad.”

“You fucking--” Levi stopped himself, fists clenching and unclenching the sheets. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Erwin shrugged. Levi saw red.

“You’re kidding me, right? You _told_ me to leave,” Levi’s nostrils flared. His mind flashed with every moment it felt like Erwin’s touch was asking him to stay, every time Levi wanted so badly to say what he wanted. “You said I was imagining what I was feeling.”

“I thought--” Erwin shook his head, looking away. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does,” Levi leaned forward. “It fucking matters to me. What you think and feel, because most of the time I have no goddamn clue.”

He reached forward, and Erwin--over two hundred pounds of pure muscle, over six feet tall, towering over Levi--flinched as Levi cupped the side of his face. He stroked his thumb along Erwin’s temple, until the hard lines on his face smoothed out, and he could look at Levi again. He put his hand over Levi’s but didn’t move it.

“I’m sorry,” Erwin said. “I hurt you, and I’m sorry. I meant what I said. Sex, and heat, and being like we were--it makes you feel attached, but when those things aren’t there, it isn't--I couldn’t tell how you felt about me. You’re not as easy to read as you think your are. And I’m not always good, with my feelings. And I--Levi, I feel...a lot of things for you.”

Was it possible for someone to break your heart and mend it at the same time? Maybe he was breaking Levi’s old heart, to find the real one that’d been buried underneath. He took in a steady breath, and looked tot he rumbled ball of sheets on the floor as he said, “Me, too, I guess. I feel a lot of shit for you, too.”

Love, he didn’t say. _I love you._ He’d tell Erwin soon--probably too soon. They were always either too soon or too late, but in that exact moment as the clock read 7am and the world was quiet, blanket of white snow muting the city outside Levi’s bedroom window, it felt like they were finally right on time. 

“Well then,” Erwin said, and not a word more.

They kissed, light and smacking, one, two, three times, Erwin’s fingers under his chin to tilt his face up, and each kiss made Levi feel like he was being lifted off the bed.

“Are you still mad?” Erwin asked, pulling back.

Levi stood, sheets dropping from his body, standing naked at the side of the bed as he took one last sip from his teacup. When he turned back around fully, he said in his most level and unaffected tone, “I’m pissed.”

He shoved Erwin back and they hit the bed in a mess of limbs and a gnashing kiss

“Hurry up and get hard,” Levi grunted, biting hard at Erwin’s lower lip, pulling off with nasty sounding pop. “And if you don’t knot me this time, I’m gonna dangle you from my balcony with that fucking $500 scarf.”

Erwin pounced.

 

For something he'd wanted so badly, Levi really hadn’t thought the knotting thing through.

They’d been stuck together for almost half an hour now, Erwin’s dick stuck inside his ass, sticky and just this side of suffocating with Levi’s back blanketed by over two hundred pounds of beefy Alpha. A beefy Alpha who kept trying to chit chat with him about what he’d been up to the past six months.

“Working,” Levi hissed. “Jesus, how long 'til that thing goes down?”

“I think it’s starting,” Erwin moved, probably looking down. “It’s kind of hot to look at.”

“It wasn’t like this the last time.”

“Well,” Erwin kissed the back of his head. “I really didn’t want to, that time. And you passed out almost immediately after, too.”

Levi eyed the numbers on his alarm clock, glaring accusingly back at him. “You didn’t want to?”

“I did,” Erwin said. “But I also didn’t. It was a very confusing time. I had this guy in my bed who’d spread his legs and spit venom at the same time.”

That earned a grunted laugh from Levi. He let his eyes slip shut. “What about you? What’ve you done since then?”

“I,” Erwin shifted, “did a lot of reflection. I wasn’t in the best place after you left, to be honest.”

Levi’s heart throbbed. 

“I’m better now,” Erwin added. “Not just now, but the past month I’ve been better.”

The swelling finally went down, and he eased out of Levi, who turned onto his back and opened his arms, and Erwin fell back into him with that half-grin.

 

“So we’re,” Erwin was on his side, head propped up on his hand, “mates.”

Levi smacked a pillow into his face. “Don’t say it like that.”

“I think it sounds nice!"

“It’s an antiquated term used to describe a physiological state between two bodies that coincidentally share a strong desire to procreate,” Levi smashed the pillow down again. 

“Ha, maybe,” Erwin yanked it away and pinned Levi to the bed. “But even if that’s true, it’s still pretty incredible. Of all the bodies mine could’ve been physically drawn to, yours fits me like no other.”

“You don’t know that,” Levi reminded him, poking at that one dimple. “There’s no way of you ever knowing that.”

“Maybe not technically, but I,” those fine lines wedged themselves in the corners of Levi’s eyes. “It’s not something I need to know. It’s just something that I feel. Of all the millions of paths we could’ve taken in this life, it still ended up with you and me, right here, right now. And even if this has nothing to do with souls or fate, and everything is just coincidence, I want you regardless. Only you.”

Levi scowled, cheeks heating. “Stop being gross.”

Erwin kissed him, pulling back to reveal an absolutely wrecked hair and matching grin. “Merry Christmas. Happy Birthday.”

Warmth bloomed wide and deep in Levi’s chest.

Outside, it started to snow again.

 

_the end._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> annnnd that's all folks! I really hoped you all enjoyed the ride, and for those who celebrate I hope you all have some happy as frick holidays
> 
> as always, please drop by chillnaxin.tumblr.com for all of your mediocre anime needs


End file.
